Maurice, Maurice! MAURICE!!

/ roughwighting

MauricewreathI love Christmas as much as the next, but by early-February, I’m ready for Valentine’s. Or better yet, spring.

However, in New England, I notice that many people still can’t give up Christmas, even in February.

When I brave the cold and snow and ice on my daily walks, I count the wreaths on the front doors of holiday stalwarts who seem to refuse to let Christmas go.dead wreath

Even if the wreath has turned brown and the front stoop is studded with dead pine needles.

fake wreathWorse, of course, are the fake wreaths, which look gaudily horrified at the prospect of seeing yet another snowy (months after Xmas) day.

I mention this to my mom as she visits me in my new, New England neighborhood. Valentine wreath

In Delaware, where she lives, front doors are already festooned with heart-shaped berry-infused wreaths.

In California, “the land let the sun shine in, Fifth Dimensionthat I love,” front doors are wide open to “let the sunshine in” (to quote the Fifth Dimension).

But not here, where the temps hover at 15 and…

“Oh my gosh, there’s Maurice,” my mom says as we drive around my new street, my new neighborhood.

“WHAT?” I tamp down my anger.

“Maurice!” Mom points to the door of a neighbor who lives five houses away.

“How the heck do you know Maurice?” I ask her with clenched jaw. My mom is the friendly one in my family. She meets someone and within five minutes she knows his mother’s uncle’s sister-in-law’s name; the ages of his children, nieces, and nephews; and how many dogs he’s owned in the past 30 years.

On the other hand, I’m the shy one. It can take me four months before I get brave enough to wave HI! to someone new. My guy and I have lived here for a little over four months, and I certainly haven’t met the neighbors three, four, or five doors down, and definitely no one named Maurice.

“Maurice,” my mom repeats.

“Yes, what about him?” I ask impatiently, waiting to hear that he’s on his way to Aruba, or that his son just got a promotion as C.E.O, or whatever mom has found out during her brief visit here, while I have kept quiet and unfriendly, and unbefriended.

“Maurice!” she answers, obviously annoyed with me and expecting me to know whatever Maurice’s news is. “Maurice!!  MAURICE!”

I stomp on the brakes in front of Maurice’s house. Okay, perhaps I should suck in my shyness and just go up and knock on the door and introduce myself. God knows what my mom has already told him about me.

“Why are you stopping here?” Mom asks, surprised.

“To meet Maurice!” I shout back, mad at myself for dumping my irritation onto her.

But mom just laughs.

And laughs.

She laughs so hard the car begins to shake.

She laughs so hard I calm down and smile at her. She is making no sense, but hey, she’s certainly enjoying herself.

Her bursts of laughter lighten enough for me to raise a questioning eyebrow.

Mom draws in a big breath and says slowly, as if talking to a child.http://www.wayfair.com/Christmas-Wreaths-and-Garlands-C243528.html

“M o r e

W R E A T H S.

That’s all I was trying to point out to you.

There’s more wreaths.”

I look up at Maurice’s door and sure enough, there’s another Christmas wreath, with bow and baubles, hanging on the door.

“Oh,” I say. “Maurice doesn’t live there?”

She shakes her head, beginning to laugh again.

“Darn, and I was just getting to like him,” I say.

We stay in the car for another good five minutes, trying to control our paroxysms of giggles, before continuing our drive around the new neighborhood.

mother/daughter selfie

Hi, Maurice!

 

65 thoughts on “Maurice, Maurice! MAURICE!!”

  2. Just hilarious!!! Thanks for getting my day off to a start with a good laugh 🙂 Can’t believe people still have their wreaths on their doors. Haven’t seen any round here, and we’ve had a bit of snow recently – Spring’s not here yet. Love and warm hugs of hilarity, Harula xxx

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    • Laughter keeps us warm – if that’s not a quote, it should be. Ha Ha. I did have several New England followers e-mail me after this post that the wreaths stay up to keep some color on their door during the dark gray winter days. As far me, the snow’s so deep, I can’t even OPEN my front door.

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    • If there is karma in the universe, and I think there is, that neighbor’s name most certainly must be Maurice, or at least his dog’s name… 🙂 xoxoxbigwarmwinter’shugbackxoxoxoxo

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  6. Yes! I’m wintering South now, but remember this tradition of keeping those wreaths up forever. Also wreathes on the front grilles of trucks. Except there is too much snow now to even drive, my ME friends tell me.

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    • My New England followers have let me know that it’s a tried and true tradition, to keep something ‘colorful’ on the door throughout the long winter’s months. I think you might have the better idea – go South!

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  7. From this day forward you will look at a wreath and remember the day your mother said “Maurice”. I can’t believe your mother came to visit you in the frigid northeast!!!! More snow is predicted and I am getting used to being a “house mouse”. Wish I were in Ca. or Hawaii sitting in the warm sun.

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  8. Hehe— now that is funny… it sounds like maybe your Mom speaks.. New English as well… Mah-Wreaths.. my cousins from Boston always drop their Ahs too.. I mean.. R’s of course..
    God Bless
    paul

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  13. Very funny. That house will now be known to you as Maurice’s. It just won’t be right if a person named Chet or Suzanne drags down that wreath from that door. (Btw, it’s time for it to go away until next year, if you ask me.)

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    • Well, hopefully the people you talk to are sweet and understanding and have a nice sense of humor. Just watch out for the ” Maurice’s ” out there – I hear they are ‘hanger-ons.’ 🙂

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  15. That’s the best non-joke I’ve read or heard in a long tome. From now on that will be an inside joke between you and your mom. This I so cute, I’m still smiling as I type.

    For what it’s worth, a few folks in an upper scale “hood” near where I live, still have their itty bitty lights turned on at dusk. It seems to brighten up the otherwise mundane drive along a well traveled street.

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    • I can understand the white lights at night in the winter – I figure that’s how the holiday light tradition began – to brighten up the shortest days of the year. But still, they bother me if they’re red and green. I only want red and green in December, traditionalist that I am.

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      • The people that leave the tiny white lights do not use any color at all. They have them wound around a non- Christmas wreath. It’s a “wreath for all seasons.” Initially I found it odd but now I find myself looking a the front door for the lights. I’m traditional as well. In fact I don’t decorate for Christmas anymore except for a wreath. I don’t have any grandchildren and never will. My two children do not have any offspring and that was their choosing.

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  16. Oh the power of our minds 😉 It’s always a good idea to look at things from a different perspective. Sometimes it’s enlightening, sometimes it teaches us something new, and sometimes it just makes us laugh – all of which provide for a meaningful day 🙂 Thanks for sharing Pamela – giggle, giggle 😉

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    • I’m hoping that from now on, if you see ‘more wreaths’ in your neighborhood, you’ll think of Maurice. And the power of perspective. (And that it will bring a chuckle to your day…)

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  18. Very, very funny. I love when these things happen. Once my co-worker said her class was cancelled because of Loewen Rollment. I said “Who is Loewen Rollment anyway and why did he cancel the class?” She said, “I said low enrolment”. We laughed very hard as well.

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    • But think of the photo you could take with the wreath totally consumed by snow drifts on your front door! But you’re right, who could even SEE the wreath with the 6 foot snow drifts? Help! How do I make it to April????

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    • Thank you, thank you! I don’t accept awards, but I so appreciate the thought, as well as the honor of being nominated with your choice of other amazingly great bloggers. Your own nomination is certainly well-deserved.

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  24. I had a great laugh at this. WE always seem to miss hear each other around here and have funny things happen and weird conversations.
    Along the theme of the Christmas wreaths is the whole thing of when you are supposed to take down your Christmas tree. We buy a fresh pine tree each year and they aren’t cheap and so I like to get value for money and I always hate throwing the tree out and they look so sad dumped upside down in the wheelie bins waiting for the truck.
    Anyway, I thought you would enjoy this post I wrote in Jan 2014. It was the day before school went back at the end of January and my only goal was to get that tree out the door. https://beyondtheflow.wordpress.com/2014/01/28/death-to-the-christmas-tree/
    xxRowena

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    • Thanks for checking out my dead Christmas tree story, Pam and I am looking forward to reading Mike’s post. I’ve had a few bloggers refer me to other blogs or posts this week and it’s been great. Somehow, I just need to keep track of everyone. Such fabulous writing and a cheap way of travelling around the world and getting to know people from all over without leaving home, which is a bonus as travel is quite expensive from Australia xx Rowena

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  26. What a great story! Sounds like you guys had a fun time 🙂

    We just took the last of our Christmas decor down. I’m one of those people who likes to hold on as long as possible. I think it’s because it’s so dark and often gloomy outside, I need the holiday decor to feel cheerful.

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  27. Oh, and here you were going to be outgoing and not shy to meet Maurice. I really like it when there is a bit of miscommunication and it turns out so hilarious, as this did! I have been following you for awhile but feel bad since you don’t show up in my reader, I may not always stay up to date in my reading. I like the heart ones, which always are cheerful but must admit my snowmen are up, my little Christmas tree has birds, nests and little red and white calico ribbons on it, I intend to keep this up on my television armoire, until the bunnies, chicks and eggs come out. Hmmm… maybe will need to take red and white ribbons off and add green ones to keep me going until April! smiles!

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    • Well, by now your red and white ribbons are in honor of Valentine’s Day! As for snowmen, ye gads, we have a zillion outside our house right now, thanks to several blizzards and resourceful kids in the neighborhood. 🙂 I hope I show up more often in your reader – love having you stop by!

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    • As a kid, I remember being SO embarrassed when my mom went up to anyone and started a friendly conversation. I’m still much shyer than my mom, but I appreciate her ability to be so open. I think she’d like your step dad a lot. 🙂

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