No Visitors Allowed

/ roughwighting

Covidi-19, no visitors allowed, elderly, nursing home, memory careMy mom doesn’t understand that a virus is attacking the world.

She doesn’t know that those most at risk are the elderly and that at 96, she’s a non-moving target.

She doesn’t realize that the virus takes the most vulnerable, and those who live in a “memory care” facility are the most vulnerable.

But she does understand that she has no visitors. sisteer and brother with elderly mom, elderly, family taking care of family

The sweet man who visits her often, who says he’s her son (But how can that be? He’s old. Must be her husband, or her nice next door neighbor). But why did he stop coming by with flowers and a stream of conversation she can’t follow? best friends, elderly, memory care, friends of all ages

And what happened to the tall slim woman who sits with her every week, holds her hand, and says in a lilting voice, “You and I have been best friends for 30 years.” The visitor calls herself “Sandy,” like sand at the beach. Sandy always brings flowers and a smile as wide as the outdoors. Where is she? family, greatgrandsons, elderly visits

And how about that woman who bounces in with too much energy and says, “Hi Mom!” with a shaky smile and watery green eyes. Sometimes she brings noisy little ones along. They call her “Nanny” or “Great-grandmom.”

Where are they now?

No one can visit my once-vibrant, still-feisty mom who remembers little but responds to smiles and flowers and cheerful 10-minute-conversations. Her minister can’t visitor her, nor her son, nor her best friend,  nor me. family, greatgrandsons, taking care of the elderly

I call my mom’s main caretaker, the one who’s name is “Hope” and who talks about my mom like she’s not a  cranky demented patient, but as if she’s a funny, amazing woman with loving family and friends.

“Your mom is fine,” Hope gushes. “The hospice nurse tried to take her vitals today and your mom yelled and screamed and wouldn’t let the nurse near her. Then when the nurse turned around, your mom winked at me. She is incorrigible!”

I laugh. Yup, my mom is fine. Now. But what about….

“We are so safe here,” Hope says, following my unspoken thoughts. “All staff and doctors immediately have their temperature checked and wash their hands with soap and water as soon as they enter the lobby. I’m here with your mom every day, and when I leave I go straight home. I live alone. Well, with my daughter. Who’s pregnant and at risk so we’re waiting every day for labor to begin.”

I pause. This is love. And responsibility. And care. Despite her own worries.

Hope maybe doesn’t understand my silence. “I will always be there for your mom,” she assures.

motherly love, mothers, daughters, elderly

Mom and me-xo

How do I express thanks to these caretakers who treat our family like their family?

Perhaps that’s the point.

Because of the caretakers, our elderly have “family visitors” every day.

 

181 thoughts on “No Visitors Allowed”

  2. Yea, how bewildering it must be for the elderly when the rest of the world can barely grasp what’s happening.
    But with this post you echo my thoughts while washing up yesterday. So we can’t go visit my dad, and probably his 100th birthday will pass without celebration (which will delight him cos he has said not to make a fuss). Yet he has his carers, and all are devoted to him. Meanwhile… I live alone. I’m allowed out to fetch food. I don’t complain, I like my own company and I’ve plenty to do. But what of others who live alone and now are absolutely isolated; no carers to visit, no family. It’s those I feel for.

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  6. I like your mother’s feistiness. I hope that with her memory loss she may not remember how people aren’t coming to see her? MIL is in an assisted living facility that is in lockdown. The caregivers there are interviewing the residents, then sending the videos to the family. That’s been fun.

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    • I love the idea of videos, or even photos, My mom’s best friend used to send me a photo weekly (I live 7 hours away from my mom). I think now the caretakers are too busy in the memory care floor to take photos and send to families. But I may suggest it anyway.

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  7. It is so difficult to not be able to visit with our loved ones, harder still when they don’t understand. Or is it better that they don’t and continue to live without the fear and anxiety of those of us who know. Distancing is difficult but, hopefully, it is that distance that will allow you to visit with her again when the worst is over. Hope is a ray of sunshine. There is much hope in the world. We all need to tap into it.

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      • Let’s keep hope’s flame alive in these dark days. It is hope that will see us through. Without hope, why would our scientists be working so hard on a cure or vaccine? Or why would our medical people be working so hard to keep us well? Hope is what drives us, it gives us a reason for being.

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  8. I’m in the same situation with my parents, which is difficult since I typically see them every week, sometimes more. I know it’s the right thing to do, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Staying in a routine is important for my mother in her current stage of Alzheimer’s. I’m concerned this crisis is creating more confusion for her and stress for my father, who is her primary caregiver. Thank you for sharing your sweet photos, Pam. xo

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  9. Written with such insight and empathy, Pamela. At 97, our mother does understand what is going on. At the moment we can still visit – we have to wash our hands and have our temperatures taken. But I expect that will not last.

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  10. Lovely to see the photos, Pam. I’m sorry for the situation. It’s worrying and there’s nothing much we can do. All you can do is take some comfort from knowing your mum is in a good place with caring people around her.

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    • Your words are comforting, Mary. As you say, we need to Let Go, and gives thanks to the caretakers in the world. Thanks for sharing my story on Twitter. I know their are many others in the same worrying situation. Take care!

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  12. Your mom is a lucky lady to have so many people who love her and care for her. there are too many elderly people who don’t have those same blessings in their lives. I’m glad her care unit is meeting the virus aggressively, even though that is hard on residents and their families. How wonderful that Hope treats your mom like her own family and can keep you updated. Keeping you all close in prayer.

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    • Thanks for your caring words, Amy. In some ways, since my mom can’t remember/figure out who her family members are, perhaps the caregivers around her give her the sense of the family she (and all of us) need. Hope you and your family are well – and can take long walks on the beach. ❤

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  13. I’ve been quite worried about my mom too. I live far away but she gets many visitors, my son, his kids, and grandkids, my aunt and her many cousins, nieces and nephews. They all report back to me and often Skype with me while they are there. Now they can’t visit her. I sent an email to the staff and they assured me mom is doing fine, is happy and healthy. They are taking every precaution. Bless them and all the caretakers. Our moms are in good hands. Sending knowing hugs. xo

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    • Yes, Darlene, you know exactly how I feel, what I’m going through. I’ve enjoyed seeing the photos of your amazing mom with all the kids/grandkids/cousins,etc. She seems to “light up” around them. Thank goodness for e-mail connection, at least, with our moms’ caretakers. Be well. ❤

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  14. Oh, Pam! I’m so sorry, but I’m glad you have a caring, primary caretaker for your mom. Hope–how perfect! I’m glad you can get updates.
    My mom doesn’t really understand about the virus–or she forgets. Her situation is not so settled. It seems that they will be moving her back to her assisted care apartment today because insurance won’t OK her remaining in the skilled nursing unit. She was not happy there, but they were keeping her at the nurse’s desk, so at least she was getting some company and is not completely isolated.

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    • Merril – you’re going through similar stressful flux as I have. I feel so much for your mom, and for you and your family. I believe that our moms need “people” around them, even if they don’t know them. I’ve noticed how the caretakers place my mom’s wheelchair next to the nurses’ station at times so she can watch all the comings and goings. Thinking of you and hoping your mom’s move back to her apartment went okay.

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  15. I have two elderly relatives currently in hospital or nursing home situations with no visitors allowed. One has dementia. His wife braved through bushes to bang on his first floor window and wave to him. He smiled at her but she wasn’t sure he understood. Her fear is that he will lose ground without stimulation from family. The other one is in the hospital and very ill (but not the virus). No visitors. Her daughter talks to the nurses and they say she’s “loopy” which is a technical term. She doesn’t understand what is going on. My heart goes out to all these folks especially the ones alert enough to partially understand. May this be over soon.

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    • For sure, social distancing and in fact, the inability to visit sick loved ones is the worst part of this illness for many of us. I applaud the wife who crawled through the bushes to see her husband through the window. Small acts of love are truly HUGE acts of LOVE. xo

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  16. Wonderful post. Sue and I were discussing yesterday what it would be like if my Mom did not pass in February and was in the assisted living home or hospital. You said it beautifully.

    Love, Bob

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    • Thanks so much, Bob. Yes, as I go through this I think of all of your visits to your mom, and how much they mattered. Social distancing is hell for the elderly. Many thanks for reading and commenting here. xo

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    • I can feel your compassion in the deep well of my heart. And I remember your stories as we wrote “back then” on my dining room table. Together in this, for sure. ❤

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  20. Beautiful story about your mom. I think many of us can identify with your thoughts and concerns. It’s nice you have her in a facility with caring workers who become “family” to those in memory care!

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  21. It’s hard enough to be in a care home when they know what’s going on. I can’t imagine how confusing it must be when you’re dealing with dementia as well as the changes caused by the virus situation. She’s lucky to have such good caregivers. I know you live far away and it’s hard enough at the best of times.

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    • Thanks for your understanding and loving words, Anneli. Without these amazing caretakers/nurses/medical personnel who are taking care of the most vulnerable of us, the world would be a dark and mean place indeed. They bring in so much light.

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  22. Oh Pamela-this is so beautiful and sad too. I’m glad you shared this-thank you! You’re an amazing woman with an amazing family and this was an eye-opener for me. Hope you’re all doing well during this time. Love you xoxoxo Julia

    >

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    • Hi Julia. Yes, on our short (too short) walking visits, we don’t get in everything that is meaningful in our lives. My mom’s decline into dementia has weighed heavily for six years now, but her smile and wink lets me know that she’s still “in there.” Love to you. xo

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  23. Once I wipe my eyes ( using sterile Kleenex) and blow my nose ( not using the same Kleenex 😂😂) I smile and appreciate the loving kindness shown to you and your mom. Know that she is loved, and so are you. Xoxo Becky

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    • Humor ALWAYS helps, Becky, and I can see your smiling face in my mind’s eye, since we can’t get together “in person.” These times, we find out how many AMAZING caring kind people exist in our universe, and we give thanks. Take care, my friend.

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  24. This post moved me, Pam. What a wonderful caretaker you have in Hope. I’m sending her loving, healthy thoughts.
    My heart breaks for those whose parents are in memory care. My mom is in a senior facility, and they have the doors locked. No one in or out. I can’t see her, but at least I can talk to her on the phone. We wanted to bring her home with us, but she has a ton of breathing equipment to be moved. She didn’t want us to have to move it all out of her 4th floor apartment. I’m so worried about her, considering she has severe breathing issues that she struggles with daily even without a virus.
    These are very strange and trying times.

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    • The worry hurts. But how great that you can talk to your mom and she knows you’re close at hand, even if not IN the building with her. Stay calm, and I bet she will too. Loving thoughts your way.

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  25. It must be so challenging for both those isolated from loved ones and those Ike yourself wishing you could be there. We too are not visiting our mothers as they are both in high risk categories. Sending hugs across the miles. The photos of your Mom and the description of her caregivers brightened my day.

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  26. Your post brought back so many memories as my mom lived in an assisted living facility for the last five years of her life. By the end, she would mistake me for her husband—a man she loved with all her heart for over fifty years. We also had a private caregiver come in a little bit each day to spend time with Mom, but I’d still visit her 2-3 times per week, and even though her dementia took away a lot, it never took away her pleasant demeanor.

    Much luck to you and your mom during these crazy times.

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  28. Oh, Pam, This is bittersweet. So touching. I feel your pain even though I didn’t experience this condition with either of my parents before they passed. GOD BLESS YOU and all the wonderful caretakers…including those who are in contact with infected people during this corona virus pandemic. xo Sasha

    ________________________________

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  33. Oh Pam, I think if you and your mom often. The Senior Facility where I call home here in DAVIS has a Memory Unit. Yesterday
    while walking my dog, Bonnie, the open window of the memory care provided a look inside. Sitting at common tables were several patients smiling with each other totally oblivious to the COVID19 fears of the rest of us. Hope is your gift!

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    • In some way, unknowingness is a gift in and of itself, isn’t it? Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Jeanette. Thinking of you and hope you and Bonnie are safe and happy. ❤

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  34. What a sweet way describing what I know must still be a very challenging situation for all of you. My wife’s mother is in a similar situation as yours, and it makes it doubly hard when you can’t be there. But I do like the anecdote about your mom winking; she’s got a lot going on in that mind of hers at the moment, which is good. 🙂 – Marty

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    • Marty – lTHANK you for your comment. Our moms – those who have lived amazing lives and now are quietly sitting, searching for the memory of those times – they are so grateful for the time we spend with them. It’s so important. And as much as my mom doesn’t remember a lot, she watches EVERY little thing that happens around her and “gets” the nuances of a lot. It’s amazing. And her winks make everyone smile.

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  35. Cheers to all of our caregivers for all they do… Three Cheers for Hope! ❤ When Dan's mom was in a nursing facility in Florida (45 years ago), Mom was blessed with a faithful loving caregiver who kept us well informed when we couldn't be there. Extended family–that's just right! ❤

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    • I “hope” that all the “HOPES” who are out there helping the sick and elderly and vulnerable – somehow feel our gratitude and love. Thank you for reading and ‘being here” with me. ❤

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  37. And despite being allowed no visitors, she is still loved. She’s very lucky she’s in the facility where she is, and had people like Hope to care for her. I’m glad for your Mom – and you – that someone is there in these uncertain times. Take care, Jeanne

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    • And that’s the light that we must see and be grateful for. Perhaps we can’t be with our loved ones, but knowing they are being cared for with love (and “Hope”) is an amazing gift. Hope you are well, Jeanne! ❤

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  38. Excellent post, Pam! Wonderful sentiments and expressions of appreciation for others, yet sad and depressing for you personally. In spite of these frustrating circumstances Marcia’s strength will see her through this lonely interlude.

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    • Thanks, Bruce. You know how strong my mom is, even if she doesn’t “know” what’s going on around her. She’s probably bossing everyone around on her floor, and they’re listening and following! 🙂

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    • Thanks for understanding, George. And the thing is, selfishly, sharing my worry and love for my mom here – and reading everyone’s comments and concerns…? Well, it really lightens up the load.

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  41. I read this with a tug at my heart and choke in my throat. The line “a shaky smile and watery green eyes” really got me. Oh, how I understand and empathize. Yet, your mom still knows how to be feisty – so cool!

    Your family and “Mom” – so fortunate to have caretakers who treat her so fine. I am sure she is in good hands! Still . . . it’s HARD!

    I send hope and good health to the whole family. I can feel the Love through the protons and pixels here, if indeed that’s what can keep us together these days. oxo

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    • My mom’s feistiness is what’s gotten her through the tough parts of life, and now her dementia. Fortunately her friends and caretakers love it. 🙂 . Not always easy for her family, but I think feistiness is a way for her to keep strong. So, to feistiness! And yes, I think love through the protons and pixels makes a HUGE difference. Thank you. ❤

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  42. The world is a scary place just now. We have been hearing all kinds of crazy stuff. I can only imagine how it must feel not being able to visit your mom who doesn’t understand what is going on in the world. I should be looking at what I have and be grateful for those things. I take so many of my blessings for granted and I am ashamed of the fact I forget to focus on the positive aspects of my life.
    I thought about that this morning as I stood in a hot shower wondering how long I will have this luxury.
    Stay safe and well my friend and I will pray you see your sweet mother again soon. ❤

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    • Perhaps weirdly, I send out a sigh of gratitude every time I take a hot shower or take a bubble bath. I wish everyone could sink safely in warm scented water and relax. Yes, let’s focus on the positive and send that out to the world so we can get through this as smoothly as possible, perhaps learning lessons on empathy and the value of simplicity. Great to see you hear, Kim. ❤

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  43. What a bitter-sweet post, Pam. My mother-in-law has dementia and she doesn’t remember she’s not supposed to hug visitors (she still at home next door to me). It’s so difficult trying to give those you love the right care and love when they are in such a vulnerable situation and need to be isolated for the sake of their health. Much love from Down Under to you and your family xxxx

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    • Dianne! So wonderful to see you here. I miss your blog posts! But from past ones, I know you’ve helped your MIL for quite some time as she struggles with dementia. You are one of the heroes who are there for your family always. I’m thinking of you lots, and really appreciate your comments and love from Down Under. ❤

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    • Thanks, Nancy. I “hope” you’re well and enjoying the warmth of FL. Some of my friends are still living in The Villages and enjoying self-isolation there, instead of returning to “cold country.” ;-0 I don’t blame them!

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  45. People in the front lines of providing service in these trying times are to be applauded, indeed. Hope reminds me of my late sister’s maid, Sipho, who took care of her in her last days. So grateful were my parents that they gave her a house that my mum inherited from her father. It was small and not in the best part of town yes, but it was a castle to Sipho who had had to go back to sleeping in her sister’s kitchen. I understand when you ask how you can thank Hope for caring for your mum at this time. Here’s to wishing you mum, Hope and the hospice safety from the virus.

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  46. -hugs- Both of my parents are gone, so if you don’t mind, I’ll borrow your Mum’s wink for a little while. It made me smile coz I think my Mum would have been like that too. I hope that she,and her wonderful carer, keep smiling and playing tricks on the nurses for many years to come.

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    • The tears show your compassion and understanding, Jacqui. I’m so anxious to drive down (it’s 7 hours…) and hold my mom’s hand. See her wink. Lately, she’s been kissing the back of my hand and saying “I love you,” That what I keep in my heart. THANK you for your virtual hug.

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  49. Sheesh, I need a tissue (sniffle, sniffle). I’m so glad your mom is lovingly cared for, Pam. And that her caregiver understands that you need assurances. My parents… Ah well. Much love to you and your mom and Hope. ❤

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  50. Lovely post. I feel for your mom and so many others at such an advanced age. My mother-in-law, who is 90, still lives in her home but she has home care workers four days a week. I can’t help but feel concern about the safety issue where she is concerned.
    Btw, I just bought Twin Desires for my Kindle. I read The Right Wrong Man for my vacation last spring and loved it, so I’m sure I’ll like this one too. I’m curious, though: how did you and the other author co-write it? 🙂

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    • Sending healthy thoughts to your MIL. Yay for her at 90 to still be home..
      Twin Desires is a fast page-turner, different from The Right Wrong Man (a little more romancy). My co-author and I worked out the plot together (which changed as we wrote chapters). One wrote a chapter, the other edited it and wrote the next one, then the first writer edited that and wrote the next chapter, etc. Amazing, but it worked! We just smoothed the second draft so it would be seamless, and we hired an editor to tell us “this works!” Hope you enjoy.

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  52. Oh, Pam! I hear your anguish and your love in this post. Your love for your mother and for her caregiver is deep and strong. I understand how hard it is to stay away and just too sad that you have to do that without her understanding why. It’s wonderful she has a Hope with her. So many don’t. I’m grateful everyday to have my daughter here living with my and working from home so she brings nothing back. Life is full of questions we don’t get any answers to while we are here. I pray this passes soon. Your mother’s heart knows what her mind cannot. Let that be enough for now.

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    • I’m breathing in your message: “Your mother’s heart knows what her mind cannot.” I really think that’s true, but sometimes I need to be reminded. Please give your daughter an elbow bump of thanks from me – a wonderful companion and friend. We are so fortunate with our mother-daughter relationships. Take care!!!!

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  54. Wow, Pam, you tore at my heartstrings. And the extra sad part is how true this is in many families. I have heard other friends talk about the decisions they are having to make right now. Yes, shaky smile and watery green eyes. Seriously, “Hope” is her name? I barely made it to the end since I cannot see through my blurry eyes. I love the photos. I can see the feistiness and glint in your Mother’s eyes. A beautiful love letter to your Mom, your family, all the caregivers, and especially Hope. A big hug to you, Pam💕

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    • Thanks for your compassion, Erica. Yes, Hope is my mon’s caretaker’s name. Pretty cool, huh? I just e-mailed Hope and found out that her very pregnant daughter is still working – she’s a caretake for seniors, also!
      My mom is extraordinarily feisty, to the point of being difficult, but the fabulous thing is that the caregivers LIKE seeing that glint of personality, that wink, that rather mischievous smile. Haha. They are angels for doing this very difficult job in “normal” circumstances, made much more difficult now. xo

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  55. I’m so sorry, Pam! It’s so hard when the situation doesn’t allow us to be in touch with our Moms. But I’m glad you at least know she’s in good hands. And I hope and pray that these restrictions are over soon, and it will be safe for you to visit her again. Hugs to you….hang in there!!!

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    • Thanks for reading my personal post, Ann. I wasn’t sure if I should write about this – and share the photos – but I realize that many are struggling with this issue of not being able to see their loved ones because of “lock downs.” May we all get back to normal as soon as possible. Take care!

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      • I’m glad you did share, because so many of us can relate. My Mom is in independent living, so I can still call and talk to her daily and take her supplies (dropped off outside the building), and that’s hard. But compared to so many others, I have it easy, and I know it.

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    • Thanks much for reading and commenting. I hope after this crisis is all done, we as a society give a lot more credit to caregivers than in the past. They are amazing, and “there with care” for the vulnerable – young and old.

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  57. This must be so difficult for you and your family, Pam. It is a comfort to know your Mom is being so well cared for and has company all day but not to see her yourself and know by looking at her that she is okay must be hard. Stay safe and keep well xoxo

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    • Thanks for stopping by here and for your understanding, Clare. I’ve been talking to Hope now about maybe facetiming with my mom. She doesn’t understand how to use a phone anymore, but maybe at least hearing my voice will help. YOU take care!

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      • Thank you, Pam. My elder daughter is going to Facetime us at the weekend. I am sad that I won’t be seeing my Mum for a few weeks. She lives alone and I usually shop for her and help her out, but I probably won’t be allowed out of the house for a few weeks now 😦

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  58. This is beautifully written, Pam, and filled with love and gratitude and understanding. Thanks so much for this warm tribute to all the unsung heroes who make each day sweeter for the vulnerable and elderly. Lovely photos too. Best wishes to you and your family, Pam.

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    • MANY thanks, Jet. Yes, this is what I wanted to do. Not just focus on my mom and the lock down difficulties (knowing others are struggling with the same), but to focus on all of those amazing caregivers out there who make little money for their expertise, empathy, and nursing chores that few of us are able to handle. They are the saints of the Earth right now.

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  59. Aren’t we all so suddenly aware of those unseen, unheralded people who work away to make our world? If we don’t already we should at least smile, acknowledge and thank those (often) minimum wage workers that we come across in our daily lives.

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  61. Oh Pam, I’m so sorry you (and her other family) can’t visit your mom right now. Yet, this is such a heart-warming story! Knowing that your mom is being cared for the way she is.. that is precious. The facility she lives at must be one in a thousand. My oma (grandma) had nowhere near such caring people, like Hope, around her before she passed away. Sigh! I really like how feisty your mom still is. Like my oma did, she still remembers family members and kept her fantastic sense of humor. Pricelss!

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    • Times like these bring so much to light, Liesbet. Like seeing the full loving CARE in caretakers. Hope called me yesterday and tried to help me Facetime with my mom. My mom doesn’t understand how a phone works anymore, and couldn’t manage the Facetime, but at least she heard my voice, and I heard hers. And Hope the caretaker told me she kept winking. 🙂 xo

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  62. I love when you write about your Mom. Always such powerful pieces. What strikes me here is how much of an anchor you, your family, and the people who care for your mom in various ways, are. Not only to her, but to each other, in that you are a community of care for this woman you all value so much. Thank you for sharing!

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    • Wow. Your comment brought me to tears (in a beautiful way). My family – my mom’s family – is definitely an anchor to each other. I wish she knew how much she has meant to each one of us. Obviously, she’s been an amazing part of my life. THANK you. ❤

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  63. It’s unfortunate that we live in a time of isolation, but at least there are good people and care givers like Hope. Your Mother sounds like she is a caring, fun loving person, and I’m praying this COVID disaster will soon pass and you’ll be able to visit again.

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  65. My heart goes out to you, Pam, your family and your Mom. What a difficult position all of us are in! I pray this isolation comes to an end soon. I’m still going to parks hunting for birds and my husband mostly is going to the grocery store. And that’s it. Unbelievingly the parks are packed with people. I try to get there as early as I can in the mornings when the “people traffic” is relatively light. Everyone is keeping in mind social distancing so I honestly don’t feel any fear. If parks are closed I don’t know what I will do. Those forests are my solace!
    Anyways …. what a lovely share and I just loved your pictures of your mom and family. Thank you so much and hang in there!! xo

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    • Thank you for your empathy, AmyRose. My family and I are just so anxious to visit our mom/grandmom/great-grandmom but so far, I’m grateful for the e-mails and calls I receive from Hope, my mom’s caretaker.
      “People traffic” is weird, in that I never used to be worried about walking into someone’s “space.” Today I walked in a wooded path and a woman was walking her adorable dog. The dog kept on trying to race over to me, huge smile on her face, tail wagging, and she didn’t understand why her “person” wouldn’t let her come near me. Poor dogs think we humans have gone wacko. And perhaps, we have. ;-0

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  66. Yours makes for poignant reading. The added plight for the elderly who cannot understand the sudden disappearance of visitors and that which brought moments of light and cheerfulness to their day.

    It is good to remind ourselves that the temporary discomfort of alienation is better than the risk of exposure of course but how hard it is. It was good to read today of 103 year old in Italy who was discharged after two weeks in hospital after testing positive. You make such a good and important point re caretakers. Ben’s mom in LA has a devoted Guatemalan caretaker who shows up every day to help his mom without fail even in these times. My mom is in a home as well, and luckily has her wits about her so she understands whats going on and knows that she is in the same boat as so many and at least can do face time and whats app calls

    Very touching post. Especially the description of the three characters who show up for your mom on a regular basis 🙂

    Peta

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  70. Your mother has an amazing daughter whose care for her mother is the reason why you both have been so resilient. Your care for her is helping so many who read your work to find strength in these times of trial and physical isolation. Thank you for your dedication to your mother and your readers.

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    • Thank YOU for reading my post. Yes, I hope if more of us share what we’re dealing with – the fears and the pain and yet the joys also – we’ll all have an easier time of getting through this horrid time.

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  71. Thank Goodness for Hope…in the person and in the sentiment. That is one of the things that bother me most about this virus…if one would get sick from anything and needed to be hospitalized they would not be allowed any visitors. How sad is that? So hard on the patient and so hard on the family. It’s one of the reasons I stay in the house…Your Mom is so fortunate to have Hope. The way you describe her she does feel like family. A gift for sure. Hopefully, Pam, you and your brother will once again get to visit with Mom and your grandchildren will be able to come along. Hope is all we have these days.

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    • The Activity Director at my mom’s place just tried to help me Facetime with my mom. It was wonderful just to see her face, even though she was unable to understand what we were doing, and fell back asleep. Still, these caregivers GIVE out a lot of CARE.

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  72. Love in the times of covid-19. I worried over the social distance brought about by gadgets/devices, and here we are today, maintaining social distance and using devices to stay in touch with family, friends, jobs and the world at large. My heart goes out to you.

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    • Thank you. Good point, I was also worried about the ramifications of so much “communication” only happening through devices. Now, it seems, that’s the best way to go. :-0

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  73. Oh wow, you nailed the poignancy of our current situation. My mother will be 95 next week. Fortunately (or not, depending on your perspective), she understands what’s going on and is grateful for our phone calls and Facetime calls. But she misses us terribly and we miss her. We won’t be able to take her out for the porterhouse steak and baked potato she’d requested. We have no idea when —or if—we’ll see her in person again.

    But like your Mom, she is surrounded by caring and dedicated staff at her retirement community and we are so grateful. And life is uncertain even without Covid-19, so we need to seize the day and count our blessings.

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    • Hi Elizabeth. Thanks so much for your comment here. Your mom is amazing at 95. I think it helps that she understands what’s going on, at least knowing why everyone is wearing face masks! We wonder what the “new normal” will be, don’t we? Happy Birthday to your mom!!

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  74. I’m a hospice nurse manager and it breaks my heart that most can’t have visitors. My mind understands it but my heart is troubled. How many are dying of a broken heart from lack of visitors? I’m new to blogging and hope to learn from other bloggers. I love your pictures and I feel your heart.

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    • THANK you for finding my post here and for commenting. Oh, how I respect what you do. Hospice is such an amazing service to humanity. Unfortunately in my mom’s case, hospice was not allowed in her facility once patients (like my mom) got Covid, so she had no hospice support when she most needed it. I’m off to find your blog.

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