What’s Your Voice?

/ roughwighting
voice speaking voice

My high school photo.

My voice has lowered over time. Not purposely. Age has made it softer and, if I talk for too long, hoarser.

I used to be a good public speaker; in high school and college when I had to perform for pageants and plays, I used my voice as my talent, reciting well-known poems and stories with verve and veracity.

This speaking talent was born and enhanced when I was a child. I’d hide under our dining room table and watch my dad practice a speech for the next day at work. He stood at the head of the table and talked as if 12 people were standing in the next room (which was the living room in our case) and explain some complex formula of insurance liability.

voice, public speaking, mentoring

My dad’s high school photo.

I understood none of his words at the age of 10. But I understood how he modulated his voice. Never monotone. Dad had a beautiful deep male voice, full of color  – valleys of green and heights of purplish red.

Many, many years later, when my successful dad lost all to alcoholism – his marriage, his job, his house, his friends – he still had his voice.

Once in recovery, he became a voice on the radio for recovering alcoholics. Hundreds of people in the Delaware region turned into the radio station to listen to his words of advice, confidence, and assurance that each man and woman listening could conquer the disease – one day at a time.

public speaking, voice, author, book signing,

Me, speaking UP at a book signing.

But me? My voice has become softer. Lighter. Lower. I try to speak in a steadier, louder tone, but it’s a struggle. I feel like I’m shouting to be heard.

Contrastingly, my writing voice has become stronger. Firmer. More assertive and joyful and confident.

parenting, early childhood, public speaking, voice

Finding my voice, early, with dad. 

I suppose it’s a good trade-off. I think my dad would be pleased.

119 thoughts on “What’s Your Voice?”

  1. I’m sure your Dad would be pleased. Throughout my life I have chaired numerous meetings (including jury service) and was complimented on my voice at an open air reading in Australia. Now I can hear that it has weakened, although it was always gentle but firm, yet as, a rugby scrum leader I could raise it 🙂 . This was a perceptive post on a rarely mentioned aspect of ageing.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Good morning, Pam. As Derrick said, this was a very perceptive post, and it also reminds me that I’ve never heard either of your voices!

    I am certain your dad would have been proud of you!

    I have never been a public speaker or performer, unlike my husband or children. (Or my dad, for that matter–my mom’s cousin told me she could listen to him for hours.)
    However, I think I’m getting better at reading my own poetry, and like you, my writing has changed, and I’ve found my voice there.

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  3. I enjoyed this post, Pam. You created a vivid picture for me of you hiding under the table listening to your father practicing his speech. I’ve always admired those who could stand up in front of a crowd to speak. That’s something I’ve never been comfortable doing. No doubt your father would be very proud.❤️

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    • I am so uncomfortable before my speaking at bookstores and libraries, and at women’s groups from time to time. Petrified. But once I stand up in front of the podium, I think my dad lifts up my voice somehow and I’m perfectly fine. 😇

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Your description of your father’s voice, ‘valleys of green and heights of purplish red’ is so beautiful. I think there is a definite connection between feeling unable to express ourselves as we want to in spoken language and developing greater abilities in our writing skills. When I see words with such resonance, like yours, I hope to absorb that ability somehow, not to recreate ‘as is’, but to let filter through, to help me access my other levels of perception in my writing. It’s nice to see, from what you wrote, that it is a process. Your writing voice ‘has become’ – it emerged, developed. How reassuring to know that the writer I am today is not the one I will be tomorrow.

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    • So many neat things to reply to here. I also commented on your blog post. Writing is definitely a process. And I teach that in my creative writing classes. My students and I, who have been together some of us for several years, love to go back and read our stories from the past and see how our voice has changed.

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  7. How is it that we remember many aspects of our fathers? They leave us but the memories of them linger on for many years! Your voice might be softer and different but it’s still who you are. I miss hearing your voice!!

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  8. Love this piece. I wonder how long you were truly hidden under the table while listening… Did you dad eventually know, yet carried on while letting you be his secret audience? I like how you brought back the power of his voice later in life, to help people.

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  9. What a lovely and insightful post, Pam. I, too, love how you have described your father’s voice. My father had a nice voice and no fear of being up front with an audience!
    I’ve not stopped to think of my own voice and how it must have changed over the years, but I did notice it in others.
    While I do not search for occasions to speak in front of others, I somehow got talked into giving more than one eulogy in the past . I guess my voice carries with enough wit and strength.

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  10. Your writing voice is operating at full throttle, Pam. I perk up each time I see one of your posts because your short stories are terrific.

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    • Thanks, Denise. It does get frustrating when I want to boom across a room full of eager readers willing to hear the story of how a book was born, but that’s harder and harder to do. Perhaps I’ll just stick to autographing my books and smiling. 😉 Next up – I better finish my next book!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. What a lot your dad went through and overcame. Pretty impressive but, best of all, an inspiration to you.
    My personal speaking voice is pretty quiet, but in a group, it’s still got a good range. Maybe the pen is meant to be your strongest voice right now. 🙂

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    • My dad struggled for years to beat this disease, and he’s a strong man, so I realized how challenging addiction is. I wish I’d told him more often how proud I was of him. He changed his life a lot to stay in recovery, sizing down to the bare necessities and going to meetings once a day. And in that way, I believe, he became an inspiration to his listeners.
      I hope you continue your voice, both in writing and in speaking. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • I know, have known, numerous people who have overcome addiction, and the resolve is never-ending. I’ve also known some who have lost to it, despite their efforts. It is something you can never let your guard down on. Somewhere, your dad knows you’re proud. I’m sure he read your post. 😊
        I am continuing my voice because I never seem at a loss for something to say, and always have things to share. Thanks, and you, too. ❤️

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    • My dad and I were similar in many aspects, including physically. He also taught my brother and me to stay away from things that can be addictive! Although, I must admit, I’m kinda addicted to writing. He’d smile at that. Thanks much for your comments. xo

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  17. Thanks for sharing your perspective on voice and background on your dad Pam. I’m glad he reclaimed his voice and found a way back from drinking. My father didn’t. yes, your writing voice is strong and the tradeoff is worth it to you. It seems I’m becoming more inward-focused with less power and motivation to speak and connect in the outer world.

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    • Speaking up is not an easy task. I realize that, Brad, and if it’s not in your comfort zone, no worries because your words and your blog posts carry a deep message that’s loud and clear. Love nature. Stay calm. Look for love. ❤
      You and I are not the only ones who have watched a parent suffer from the addiction of alcohol. It used to be a secret, and no one talked about it, but I think sharing these struggles, heals.

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  18. What a lovely story. As others have already noted, your dad would be proud of you. And you must be so proud of him, not only recovering from alcoholism but also helping others.

    I love to read out loud but I’ve always been shy about my voice. I never liked public speaking for that reason. Still, I fantasized about being a news reader or narrator for audiobooks. My major hangup has been a slight speech impediment and a poor ability to enunciate foreign words properly. I never get the accent right 😉 So … writing it is, and it sounds like it’s serving us both well 🙂

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    • What a great comment. I understand that fear of not speaking “well,” Marie, since I often mispronounce words (being an early reader, starting at 4 years of age, I used to guess how to say words, and the wrong guesses stayed with me for years). 🙂 I use humor to cover up my poor pronunciations. Foreign words – fergettaboutit. I love your fantasy! But I know my voice is unlike my dad’s, so no narrating for me. Yes, keep up with the writing – it’s the best way to use our “voice.”

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  19. Thanks for sharing this story, Pamela. I had a deep male voice and did radio and voice-over work when I was younger. Now, I struggle with asthma and no longer have breath control. I, too, speak softer. It was amazing that your Dad lost everything and then came back to help others.

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  20. Oh my gosh, I am so moved that your dad lost all, but found his voice to help others on the radio. That is an incredible story. And I love that your writing voice shows your strength and talent. Your Dad would absolutely be proud.

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  21. I think no one ever likes their speaking voice . I’ve never heard yours but I do admire your writing voice. And I love your tribute to your Dad–he must be very proud of you as we all are of him. It’s not easy to turn your life around after falling into alcoholism. Onwards with your writing voice, which captures more people than your speaking voice.

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    • Thank you, Thank you. I wish my dad was alive to read my stories. He died before my blog took off and before I published my first book. I don’t think I’d give him my romantic suspense novels (:-)) but he’d love my flash memoir. ❤

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  22. What a great tribute to your dad. What a handsome fellow. I got my voice from my dad as well. He was a great speaker and would captivate listeners with his stories. But he didn’t like public speaking. I, on the other hand, loved it and did many presentations over the years to all types and sizes of groups. Even though I am small in stature, my voice carries. Hubby often asks me to tone it down as it hasn’t yet weakened. (especially when I get excited!)

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    • Why am I not surprised that our dads were similar, Darlene? 🙂 Wasn’t it wonderful, hearing your dad’s stories? My dad really knew how to tell a (long) joke, as well. Our difference – yours and mine – is that you’re so comfortable in front of a group, talking about Amanda (and reading and other subjects). I can see that in the photos you share. I’m laughing at your husband shushing you a bit (too loud, Darlene). Ha. My guy is constantly asking me to speak LOUDER! xo

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  23. Voice is a huge topic and everyone can relate to it in one way or another. I may have to dig into my past for some thoughts on voice one of these days too. But for now, I really enjoyed this post. You definitely have your writing voice trained!

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  24. Don’t all writers want to “find their voice”? You have found your voice early on and use it with verve. . . still! Thank you for sharing your dad’s story, triumph over imminent tragedy. Yes, Dad would be PROUD.

    I’ve don’t lots of public speaking in conferences and now in book tours. My voice is naturally soft, so I am conscious of projecting my voice in public speaking. And I know to breathe deeper to enunciate when someone leans in to hear what I say in ordinary conversation, especially older men!

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    • Oh boy, would you teach me how to use that “breathe deeply and enunciate” trick? I need to practice. YES, many of our male friends complain that I talk too softly and they can’t hear me when we all go out to restaurants. (I do not mention that it’s their hearing that is the culprit, ahem.) I can tell you’re a natural public speaker. Wish I could be there for one of your book tours! (You ARE writing another book, right?) ❤

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      • Years ago, I’ve had to struggle to find my voice, having courage and then being bold. It’s easier now, I think, because I have something to say via my books.

        (Yes, I see an older male, I can bet he has hearing deficits, ahem!) About future books. . . yes, to blogging; wait and see on the publishing more books, Pam!

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  25. It’s a perfect trade-off, Pam. You’re fortunate to follow your dad’s step to be a public speaker and now have your voice as a writer. Many writers refer to themselves as introverts, not prefer to speak in public, but you have experience in both. I had my chance to speak in front of over a thousand audience at conferences when I worked in the school district. Now when I have to read my piece of work in a Zoom critique meeting, I have to practice beforehand. I used to do so well to speak while thinking on my feet.

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    • A THOURSAND people at a conference?? My oh my. I think my highest number is 200, and that was too high for my comfort. :-0
      Yes, my dad taught me the value of practicing a speech beforehand, and I do that multiple times. Not only that, we writers should read our stories out loud, to ourselves, multiple times, before publishing.

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      • It was a 7 school district’s annual conference for parents. I was the event planner of the committee.

        Isn’t it true that we should read our stories multiple times before publishing? By the fourth time, I memorized all the punctuation and capital letters. Have a wonderful Sunday, Pam!

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  26. What a lovely memory of your dad, Pam, and beautiful reflection on your voice(s). Enjoy your lighter, softer, gentler speaking voice and your powerful writing voice. A wonderful distinction that I hadn’t thought about before. Your dad would be proud.

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  29. I loved those high school photos, Pam–a good-looking dad and his beautiful daughter.

    Your comments about voice tone reminds me of a friend I had when we lived in the Philippines. She was the vice principal of the International School in charge of curriculum. She was very much aware of being the only woman among the leadership. She had decided that it would be to her benefit to train her voice to be lower. It’s interesting how important it is to have a good voice for many things.

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    • Fascinating about your friend who felt she needed to lower her voice to be more accepted by her male colleagues. These days, I hope that women can use their “real” voice no matter high or low. But I’ve heard that women are accused of being “shrill” if their voice tends to be high. I’d like to suggest, “we are women, hear us roar.” 🙂

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      • I did think it was strange for her to want to change her voice. I prefer authenticity. On the other hand, when listening to the news or a podcast, I find most voices pleasant. But there are a few I’d rather not listen to.

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  30. Pam, this is a delightful post and a tribute to your dad. I enjoyed reading how your voice has changed and developed over the years. My voice is especially important when I read aloud to children, and of course when I talk to them in every teaching situation. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say what you say.

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    • I was surprised how quickly I found the two high school photos, Jennifier. I think I got a little “help” from the Universe. I’ve never put my dad’s and my photos together like that. Fun to see the similarities. Thanks for the lovely comment.

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  33. I don’t think we give fathers enough credit for the roles they play in our early ‘conditioning’. I don’t mean that in a bad way. Kids are like playdoh; they are molded by everything around them, both good and bad. My Dad was my hero. 🙂

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  34. I don’t like speaking in public. I feel my voice is too nasal and it keeps me quiet. Heaven knows my father wasn’t like that, he’d talk loudly about anything anywhere with anyone. Yet his influence on me was less than my mother’s.

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  36. Hi, Pam – I love the high school photos of you and your dad. Finding our voice is such a soulsatisfying talent that so many are never able to realize. I’m glad that you not only found yours – but continue to share it with all of us through your writing.

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    • Honestly, Donna. I’m shocked and awed at this blogging community and how they (all of you) have accepted my voice so enthusiastically and positively. It’s helped my “voice” get stronger and stronger. ❤

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  38. What a beautiful tribute to your father! I can very much relate to your analogy about voice and writer’s voice. Once upon a time I had a beautiful singing voice (perhaps I still do, but sadly it has grown silent). Now I am working on cultivating my writing voice, and agree it is a good trade off!

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    • Hi! So great to see you here. I am very jealous that you have a singing voice. Perhaps you should bring it up again from time to time. When I was young, at least until I reached adolescence, I had a great singing voice, and sang in the choir, and absolutely loved it. But then I lost it at the age of 14. 🙁 I am thrilled that you are cultivating your writing voice. ❤️

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  39. Hi Pam, I am sorry to hear of your dad’s alcoholism, but it sounds like he recovered and helped other recovering alcoholics. Life can take us on interesting journeys. I never liked public speaking and think my voice is squeaky like a hamster. Nevertheless, I have to present training for work and speak at board meetings. I also make YT videos sometimes. I just never listen to the results. Even when I was on TV for my non-fiction Investing in Africa series, I never watched the programme afterwards.

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  41. What a loving tribute to your father Pam. My dad had a beautiful quiet voice , it’s hard to remember because he is gone for so long.

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    • Oh, I know Gerlinde. How we wish we could hear our dads’ voices again. I saved my dad’s message on his answering machine for weeks after he passed so I could call him over and over, just to hear his voice. One time the phone was answered – I was SHOCKED!! But it was one of his AA friends cleaning up the dust before the apartment was rented.

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  42. Well said, Pam. My fathers voice was also deep and resonate. He was a good recounter and captivated us kids with his yarns. I inherited that part of him, and am glad I still have it at this age. I wasn’t a public speaker, but a singer in a band, and that helped develop my voice when speaking, and writing. A voice has many roads, it’s up to us to choose the ones we want. Alcoholism is the great destroyer of lives, there is no other way to paint it. I hope you and your father shared a good relationship in his later years and healed. Good read.

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    • What a lovely reply, Phil. Yes my dad was in recovery for 15 years so we had a great relationship during that time. He even invited me to go with him to some of his AA meetings, which was an honor.
      You’re so fortunate to be a singer and to have been part of a band. Enjoy your voice in all these wonderful ways.

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  45. it’s a thought-provoking reflection on finding and expressing one’s voice! 🗣️✍️ The article beautifully delves into the idea of discovering and embracing the unique voice that each of us carries within. It’s inspiring to read about the journey of self-expression and the power of storytelling. Thanks for sharing this introspective piece that encourages us all to explore our own voices and the stories we have to tell. It’s a reminder that our voices are valuable and can create connections and understanding in the world. 🙏📖🌟 #VoiceAndExpression #StorytellingJourney 📝🌐

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  46. What a wonderful way to remember your dad! Our voices do indeed change and mine has gotten a little deeper with time also. When I was younger, I sounded exactly like my mother on the phone. People could not tell us apart. She fooled more than one of my friends. She thought it was funny… I didn’t and still don’t. But we are different now. I love your “writing voice”! It is such a pleasure to hear. ❤

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