Honey, I’m Home!

/ roughwighting

driving in the snow, snow, snow dayThe snow is falling like sleet. As I climb out of my mini-Cooper I grumble to the car “you’re cute in June, but you’re mighty ugly in January.” While waiting for my tiny turquoise car to reply, a huge icy snowflake falls on my cheek. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings,” I mutter to the car. https://pixabay.com/photos/mini-cooper-automobile-model-783697/Alexas_Foto

I look around, hoping no neighbors notice my discourse. They all think I’m odd: Judy and John Allen next door to the right in the boring brown split level; Cliff and Cheryl Perkins, across the street in the well-kept Victorian; and even Alan Abrams, who lives on the left side of my home and cross dresses every Sunday. Even he thinks I’m odd.

But I’ve talked to myself, and my cars and suitcases, my couch and my indoor plants, the books on my bookshelf and the walls of my house, since I was six.

house plants, succulent, cactus, green, loveAt 66, I’m sure as hell not going to stop.

What these neighbors and strangers and acquaintances don’t understand is that these supposedly inanimate objects TALK BACK. Not every time, but often enough that I don’t mind my own company, which is often blessed with some great conversations.

I wipe the dirty ice off my boots at the front door rug and enter my cozy home shouting “Honey, I’m home!” No reply, so I add, “Oh wait. That’s right. I live alone.”

“Not today,” a deep gravelly voice responds. “I picked up some pizza, by the way.”

My light green eyes widen, and my spiky gray hair spikes higher. This is not the normal voice of my house. This sounds like ….

He stands by the kitchen door, holding a pizza box. “Hey, Donna, aren’t you going to give me a kiss after all these years?” the hefty giant of a man asks.

He opens the box to reveal my favorite: margarite pizza with pepperoni and spinach. pizza, margharita pizza

“Roger,” my voice stumbles. “How? Where?”

He turns back to the small kitchen, drops the pizza on the table and then approaches me with a glass of wine. “All in good time, my dear. All in good time.”

Where’s Roger been, and who is he? Best answer helps me write “the rest of the story.” 

127 thoughts on “Honey, I’m Home!”

  1. Roger is her ex (because he asks for a kiss). He vanished when his plane crashed–but he wasn’t on the flight. She didn’t know he was spy. Now he needs her help. . . I was going to say he was a ghost, but he seems to corporeal. 😉

    Liked by 5 people

  4. Roger was her mother’s brother who she saw regularly until she graduated from high school. Roger got married and went to live abroad. He had to come home for his sister’s funeral. They hadn’t seen each other for over 10 years. It was a shock to see him standing in her house.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Roger has a key to the house, which Donna gave him four years ago. They were going to be married, but Roger said he had unfinished business he needed to take care of before he could make that commitment. Roger promised that once the business was finished, he would return. His letters were cryptic but faithfully sent each month. He never let on that he was a black operative serving at the will of the government. His missions were finally complete, and as promised, he has returned.

    Liked by 6 people

  7. Oh….you had me from the start with the quips about the neighbors, Pam. Hmm…so many options with Roger. He’s a “hefty’ man you say. Maybe he’s the Brawny lumberjack coming to life from paper towel fame? Wherever you go with the story, keep us in the loop! 🥰

    Liked by 4 people

  11. I think John’s version is spot on, but maybe Roger is her brother, who disappeared while on a trip for the Peace Corps in Sumatra ten years earlier. She had accepted he was dead – but is he? Or maybe he’s a friendly ghost?

    Liked by 3 people

  15. I’m happy to hear Donna lives in a neighborhood with no cookie cutter houses.

    Donna’s husband died some time ago, but Roger appears now, her mate in an alternate universe. “Oh, I coulda married Roger, but he’s back. . . why now?” she asks.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Hmmm. Roger is a prototype “Housemate Robot” that Donna’s robotics engineering sister shipped to her to try out. Every day, Donna can choose one of 25 persona programs has to rate which one she likes best. There’s the perky blonde, the bulter, the chatty best friend, the wise woman, the sage, the wizard, the no-nonsense housekeeper, etc. Roger is the “debonair pirate.” And Donna thinks he might be the best so far.

    Thanks for the fun as always, Pam. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    • Diana, I have a feeling your muse was standing by your side when you added your guess to the rest of Donna and Roger’s story here. Either that or your housekeeping chores were beginning to get a bit too much. 😁I had such a great time imagining Roger as one of the robotic Models. Fantastic. 👏

      Liked by 2 people

  17. Oh! I love when you do this to us, Pam!
    Of course I had to read the other replies before adding my two cents’ worth (and not inadvertently repeating). Jeez. Some really good ones there.

    Roger, who knows her so well, was her neighbour growing up. They had been friends forever and used to joke that one day they would get married. Well, they did, but not to each other but remained friends. Roger and his wife moved away and life goes on. Sadly, both of their spouses have died and they are now available. Roger recently found out that Donna is finally available again and this time, he’s not missing his chance at their romance.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. My guess was quite similar to one of the others, and I don’t want to copy that. When inantimate objects start talking to us, we’re either losing it or have a special gift.

    Liked by 3 people

  22. Well, we know that Roger is a “giant of a man” and that he has a good enough memory to get her favorite pizza. I’m disinclined to think ghost as ghosts generally don’t get good service at restaurants. We know that Donna didn’t expect him to return at this time, she was surprised. But she wasn’t surprised in a “he’s escaped from prison” kind of way. Perhaps we went on a walkabout, or has been sailing around the world. Perhaps he spent some time on a deserted island and she thought he was dead. I rather hope it’s a happy reunion and not an abusive former husband who has picked her locks to get in. But if he is, perhaps the sentient things in her life can take care of him.

    As it happens, I’m reading about a sentient, or rather possessed, house at the moment. So that may be coloring my thoughts.

    Liked by 2 people

    • A very thoughtful and imaginative response! I had to smile at the end, when you realized that the inanimate objects that she talks to would definitely protect her. Of course! But like you, I am hoping that Roger is a nice guy, despite the fact that he seemed to have disappeared for quite some time. Thank you thank you for your great response.

      Liked by 2 people

  23. Roger is Donna’s formerly skinny husband who went out for a margarita pizza and impulsively decided to not return.
    After years of wandering the world and having his adventures, he needed to come back to his “anchor”, Donna because he realized he had no one to share all the things he experienced. And also, because the longer he was away from her odd habit of talking to inanimate objects, the more he missed her–especially when he caught himself talking to inanimate objects as if they were real! Now he had returned bearing the pizza he had set out to get 10 years ago. . . and hoped she would forgive him.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Wow! You have given such great detail and characteristics to Roger. Wonderful. And I guess he’s not skinny anymore because he’s been eating margarita pizzas on his adventures. I love a man who looks favorably on the idiosyncrasies of a woman.🫶😊

      Liked by 2 people

  24. I hope Roger is a welcome blast from the past, but I would have to wonder what took him so long. It would have to be a good reason. I would be inclined to tell him he’s a day late and a dollar short. But he could leave the pizza on his way out.

    Liked by 2 people

  25. Roger, a once-famed archaeologist with a passion for uncovering hidden mysteries of ancient civilizations, disappeared mysteriously from Donna’s life over a decade ago. Renowned for his discoveries of forgotten tombs and lost artifacts, Roger had embarked on an expedition to a remote, uncharted region, seeking the legendary Temple of Echoing Whispers.

    Liked by 2 people

  26. I, too, live alone, and I sometimes think I should talk to myself more. Even better, I should sing so my voice won’t get rusty.

    From the way they greet each other, I think Roger doesn’t quite sound like an old romantic partner. Otherwise, wouldn’t there be more tears and happiness or anger? Mostly she seems surprised. You could always change her reaction, though. He could be someone she was dating, seriously dating. He didn’t tell her why he was leaving because his mission was secret.

    Liked by 2 people

  27. This is actually an interesting blog. It kinda feels like a storytelling part and I enjoyed reading it. You are quite talented at writing stories I will give you that.

    Anyways, I liked the humor here, you have been talking to yourself at age 6 and even at age 66 you still do, oh hell no, something is wrong with you😂😂🙌

    Have a great weekend

    Liked by 2 people

  33. Roger is a man you see in your dreams, but never remember after waking, until he appears in your kitchen. When he is there, standing in front of you…with the most delicious pizza you’ve ever seen. You remember everything.

    Liked by 2 people

  36. Roger is her magical genie that has been kept in a bottle in the back of her closet. She put the bottle there years ago because she felt enchanted by Roger and did not know how to handle those emotions. Somehow, Roger has escaped from the bottle, and Donna again will be forced to deal with her love and yet, at the same time, fearing her love for Roger.

    Liked by 2 people

  39. Pam, you’ve have a real knack for pulling the reader straight away and I was hooked! I like the sound of Donna and her inanimate friends! The descriptions of the neighbours are great! What a fun game asking us all to join in – I made the mistake of reading all the comments which are wonderfully inventive and some touching where I would go! Look forward to the grand finale – Roger better be good to her!

    Liked by 1 person

  43. Am I too late? If not …. he is the pizza delivery man who used to deliver her pizza for years. He mysteriously disappeared many years ago, which was the subject of much town gossip and rumor. He always had a crush on Donna, but could never admit it. His “day job” was delivering pizza, but his off-hours job was investigating hauntings in abandoned houses. Go! 😜

    Liked by 1 person

  44. Very cleverly written. What a wonderful surprise in your kitchen. Maybe your beautiful mind has created just what you needed in that moment or maybe he, the pizza, and the wine are for real. 🥰

    Liked by 1 person

  46. East coast gets the early entries and I love them all. Great writer friends to share your stories, Pam. I had a very old friend from college days appear at my house with a small box, a cute French apron. What! I said to myself aloud! He wants a maid and a cook! Better a pizza, me thinks.

    Jeanette

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  48. I really, really enjoyed reading this (and the continuing part!). Reading it, I think you spoke to a lot of us that talks to ourselves at home – our weird selves! I am someone who talks to myself and to my stuffed toys at home…maybe one day I will have an encounter like this 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  50. Roger is the grounds keeper. He’s been listening as you converse with your “people”. He knows your secret desires, likes and dislikes and favorite za! He has a key to your house, feels like he’s known you all his life. You recover from the shock of seeing him standing with the pizza and recognize him immediately. After all, you’ve been lusting after him for quite some time! 

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