A Better Dress

/ roughwighting

https://pixabay.com/illustrations/woman-lady-cinderella-ballgown-5334279/Prettysleepy, a better dress, mother and daughter, weddingHold fast. Now is just now, it’s not then. Hold fast.

“Did you hear that?” I ask Natalie. 

“What?” my daughter replies. She is much more practical than me. She only hears what is “visible” to her ears, so to speak.

Hold fast. Stay aloft. Now is not then.

“That!” I exclaim. We’re in her bedroom closet, which is as big as a small room – with clothes and shoes and drawers for sweaters.  Personally, I think it’s overdone. It’s also extravagant but I believe in the Henry David Thoreau mantra: Simplify. Simplify. Simplify.

I’d never say that out loud to my 40+-year-old daughter. Her life is different than mine. But is it?

“Mom, you’re always over hearing something. Or hearing something that isn’t there. We’re the only ones here.”

Image by Vilma Terezinha de Andrade Vilma from Pixabay, hold yourself aloft, Here is not just here. Here is everywhere, a voice whispers into the room.

I nod, smiling.

Natalie takes my smile for acquiescence. “So, you like this dress for the wedding?” She’s searching through her enormous closet for a dress that I can wear to my niece’s wedding.  A wedding that will be eloquent and expensive, knowing my brother and his adored daughter. But me? I won’t spend hundreds of dollars on a dress I’ll only wear once.

dress for wedding, raspberry muffin dress, Copilot AIThe dress Natalie holds toward me is a size 8 – we share sizes – and sherbet red with a cinched waist and a strange neckline. A look that is perfect for her body and that will make me look like a raspberry muffin.

“No,” I respond.

Hold your soul aloft, the voice says. I even hear a touch of humor in it.

“Could I have that one?” I ask, pointing to a soft blue dress with a neck low enough for two strands of pearls, no waist, and hits right above my knee.

Natalie sighs. “Mom, do you hear yourself? You think you have to look matronly, but you have a great figure.”

She has a great figure too, but she’s raising teenagers and feeling mid-aged. Feeling left out.

Now is not then. Hold fast. superwoman, mothers and daughters, women and self-confidence

How I wish she could hear the voice. Her life is changing as her kids leave the nest; mine is slowing down as my guy and I age into a phase called “elderly.”

I start sorting through her closet. Maybe a better dress will keep both our souls aloft.

Image by BroneArtUlm from Pixabay, voices in our head

Do you hear an encouraging word in your head once in a while?

 

100 thoughts on “A Better Dress”

    • Phew, I’m glad it’s not just me. And sometimes, the voice I hear is one of my novel’s characters! I don’t worry until it’s Petey’s voice – the squirrel. Then I think I better get more sleep. 🙂

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      • Well, it wouldn’t be so crazy to wish for wings like Petey. I used to sometimes dream that I could fly. It was so beautiful. I could always fly in my dreams as long as I believed I could. As soon as I doubted myself, I crashed. But the voices in the waking time, sure I’ve heard them. Sometimes when I think about someone really hard, I hear their voice. It’s when I’m not aware that I’m thinking about them and I hear them that it becomes a bit eerie. It doesn’t happen often, but I have definitely heard my name called. (Maybe I should switch genres in my writing and concentrate more on doing fantasy….)

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  2. When folks ask me what I miss about living in Canada, I often answer, “My walk in closet.” Honestly I have rooms in my little place in Spain the same size as my walk in closet in Canada. It’s interesting to watch our daughters get older. Mine just turned (gulp) 50. It’s not likely we could share clothes as our tastes are very different. She wears bohemian hippy clothes, which suits her. My things are more contemporary (but not matronly). I loved the raspberry muffin analogy! Enjoyable dialogue.

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    • I understand, Darlene. Interesting how so many readers respond most to the large-closet idea (as in, envious). 🙂 We have his and hers closets, big sizes, but you can’t put a couch and chairs in it for heaven’s sake. And how many shoes does a woman need?? (Um, don’t answer that.) ❤

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  3. Great and wonderful… as an introduction, but I want more. It builds gracefully to a mini-climax. I want to see the voice prove itself during a major crisis. Oh wait just a second — the way WP keeps changing format — I should look for the rest of this if there’s more at the website (I’m doing this from the reader). So maybe see you later…. after I get swept into a tornado and crash into a computer lab and ask to borrow their computer and a tuxedo…

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    • Funny, Doug. I prefer writing in 400-word “pods” (as I call them) where I put out a bit of a story and a dilemma and then see where my readers go with it. In other words, let the reader then think about their voices in their heads, and what they’re hearing. This particular post is mostly autobiographical (thus I call it auto fiction ’cause I changed some of it to not get in trouble with my daughter). Ha. Some of my fictional pods are continued the following week because the readers ask for MORE, and I love leaving hooks like that. Thanks so much for reading and commenting.

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      • Your “auto fiction” idea is a good way to discuss “voices” casually. There are many kinds, some firmly anchored mysteriously in the casual benign subconscious like the dream writer of the subconscious which seems to write the screen play for a dream. But with so many manic psychologists, psychiatrists, and self-appointed psycho “experts” and academic hippies floating around, it’s not safe to handle such a subject except by fiction. Many years ago when I was into meditation and such and I heard about how some professional comedians practiced mimicking famous people, I realized how one could remember a famous person’s voice in a fantasy. So I used to ride the train to work and read a newspaper. When I got to a quotation of a famous person, I imagined the quotation read in their voice. So like imagining a song, it’s one of the contained “voices” that could be discussed in front of a psychiatrist. Any other type of “voice” would be noted with a checkbox of illness.

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  5. I think we all have to try to keep our souls aloft right now.

    I think the only time I hear voices is if there’s white noise, and that’s creepy. But, I definitely have many levels of thought running at once, and I’m always seeing things that aren’t there. 😂 I do literally feel the beauty of nature sometimes.

    I’m envious of that huge closet!

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  8. I like a good raspberry muffin for breakfast but not for clothing! My mother and I used to shop together. We didn’t share any sizes, not even shoes. Or jewelry, my mother preferring tiny and me liking larger so you could actually see it. Sometimes I steered her and sometimes she steered me. I miss her. I hear her words often.

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    • I relate so much to your comment, Kate. I’m lucky my daughter likes to shop with me (I happen to hate shopping, so she leads me along and points out clothes for me). My mom and I shopped together but she was tiny and could wear cute cute clothes that made me look like an elephant. She bragged that she shopped for her jeans in Gap Kids. Urghhhh. But I miss her bragging so much! ❤

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  9. I was reading along and then came to this: “A look that is perfect for her body and that will make me look like a raspberry muffin.” Wild! This morning I did have fresh red raspberries on my Cheerios.

    My daughter helps me pick out outfits when we shop (rarely). I usually approve her choices.

    May I suggest that you and your hubby are not elderly–but well-derly. 😀

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  10. Argh those voices…. All too often these days Pam… My daughter is 48 this year… Oh I wish I shared her size…. Once upon a time I did.. But we share wisdom… which I am eternally grateful for.. 🙂

    Loved the Story Pam…. Thank you.. Have a lovely weekend and I hope you enjoyed the Wedding! 😉 xx

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    • The wedding was fabulous! Mostly because of all the family there, celebrating. I danced during the reception with my granddaughter (16) who wore a dress I would never have worn, no matter the age, but she looks like a model. Me? Plain and easy but no muffin. 🙂 Of course your daughter is wise – the apple never falls far from the tree.

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      • Its wonderful when our grandchildren grow up, Mine is 14 going on 24… She has taken ballroom dancing classes since the age of 3… Winning awards etc.. And boy she can dance…. Some of her ball gowns and Latin, are breath-taking, but you’d never get me to wear one 🙂 And thank you for that lovely compliment Pam….
        SO, happy your family wedding was fabulous ….
        Have a lovely weekend xx ❤

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  15. Wonderful piece, Pam. I have a double closet but find it is still too small. The trouble with “space” not filled with clothes–it gets filled with “stuff”, so half of my closet holds all my crafts things. As for looking like a “raspberry muffin”, I donated all those impulsive buys years ago 🙂 AND that voice you hear is probably your Guardian Angel . . . a very wise being. . . .

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    • I choose to accept your theory that the voice is my guardian angel. And she is so sweet to me! (And gives me clothing advice, as well.) Yes, my closet is full in one corner of photos waiting for me to put them in an album and in another corner a bag I fill with “give away these clothes!”

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  18. That voice in our head can sometimes be encouraging but other times is telling us we can’t do something when we shouldn’t let fear stop us.

    I love the raspberry muffin line. Reminds of some commercial on television where some woman is complaining about her muffin top.

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    • Hand over eyes. Do not remind women of the ‘muffin’ top. Oh lordy. 🙂 Yes, fear can be a voice we should stifle. The rest is right on. (And I ended up choosing another one of my daughter’s dress – I looked neither like a muffin nor a cupcake, so win/win. 🙂 )

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  19. This story made me realize that it’s not just me who needs to head to the boutique and purchase a dress. Just one flattering dress, instead of making do with 20-year-old dresses that no long look good on me or like the person I’ve become. My 41 y.o. daughter still dresses beautifully, but for Christmas she got us both “anti-aging” face serum. Oh, I wish she could stay young forever. Perhaps for her birthday, we’ll go dress shopping and get facials. 🙂 A touching story, Pam. It sure got me thinking.

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    • If I gave you the stupendous idea to go shopping and facial-ing with your daughter, I take full credit and add a bit of sparkle to my wings. 🙂
      Funny, I had my physical last week with my doc who I guess is 50 something and a wonderful woman. We are sympatico. I commented on her dress and how nice it looked (usually she’s in black slacks and top). She laughed and said it was 20 years old and in the back of her closet and she thought she should wear it or let it go. 🙂

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  20. Yes, I hear a voice but I think it is my own voice trying to overcome negativity. My son is 52. Crazy, right. I can still remember being 50 myself which I think helps our relationship. Clothes – my total weakness. Now I am for fashionable but age appropriate. I miss shopping at Anthropologie, sigh!

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    • Smiling widely, because my daughter shops at Anthropologie. Yes, Sigh. I don’t tell people my ‘kids’ ages because, um, really? But then like you, I think of what I was like at that age, and how I felt, and it helps me stop thinking of them as ‘kids’ and communicate in a wiser manner. And for me, even let my daughter pick out some of my clothes. 🙂

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  21. That soft blue dress doesn’t sound matronly. It sounds comfortable 🙂 I remember the days when I wanted to show off my figure. Then the days when I didn’t because I had too much figure. Now, even at 67, I could get away with wearing something with a cinched waist, but … why? I’d rather be loose and fancy-free 😉

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  22. Yes, I do engage in encouraging self-talk every now and again. As for clothes, I’ve been dressing like a slob ever since I retired. Maybe I should treat myself to one of the many pretty dresses hanging in my closet unworn.

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  24. I have heard the “still silent voice within” more than a time or two . . . once it gave me a winning letter number! 😀

    Our closet is small, but I’m happier intoning “Less is More” and “Simplify Your Life” and “Simplify. Simplify. Simply.” . . . so it suits me.

    I just loaned a dress to my niece for her to wear to a Winter Wedding in Colorado. I bought it for a Christmas party in New Jersey 25 years ago . . . It’s the dress I hung onto over the years because it is timeless. For my wedding, I borrowed my mother’s wedding dress – perfect fit and also timeless.

    Glad you had a wonderful time at the wedding. 😀

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  25. That is fantastic! Not only that your niece likes what’s in your closet, but she likes what’s been in your closet for 25 years! Yes, I have a number of those “timeless” dresses in my closet and I wonder when I’ll give them away. My niece is tiny, like my mom was, and my daughter is much taller than I am. Well, I’ll “simply” keep it waaaay back in closet. ❤

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  27. Great story! I don’t know if I will look at anything in my closet the same way. 🙂 The raspberry muffin does paint a picture. It is so true. Things change, and we must embrace the changes.

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  28. “Now is not then,” is a great saying. The first time I read it, “then” meant the future. This is a time when so many people our worried about the future of our country. So I was thinking, This is now, and now is okay. But of course for this story “then” refers to the past when we were young and could wear dresses we no longer can wear. Either way, the point is “now” is what’s real.

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    • Exactly. The other way I’ve heard a similar expression is, “That was then. This is now.” Some people (probably everyone at some point) wishes they could go back “then,” or that “then” was better. Instead, we should concentrate on our NOW. (And get rid of old stuff in the closet.) 🙂

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  30. Lolol! I broke into chuckles on your “raspberry muffin”.

    Sigh! I would look like a bran muffin. I’ve taken to wearing my hubs old suit jackets, and adorning them with a lifetime of collected pins. It’s a “sustainable” style!

    Lovely story, and oh my, you sure read a lot of books!

    Be well Pam!

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