In the Dog House

doug house, Cypress InnMy man and I celebrate our anniversary this month by escaping to Carmel-by-the-Sea, “a seaside town…in the pine forest.” Romantic sounding, yes? But to add even more romance, we decide to bring Henry, the dog.

Not entirely our idea at first. A good friend recommends that we stay at “Doris Day’s place” right in the center of town. Doris, as many of you may know (well, I suppose only those 50 and over are familiar with the sweet actress…) is a huge animal lover and protector, so only makes sense that she owns a lovely old inn in an upscale village that encourages visitors to bring their furry friends.

We realize that this is someplace different immediately upon arrival, when the doorman pets Henry,  welcomes us  (yes, in that order), and asks if we need a refrigerator for Henry’s special diet needs.

“Umm, no,” we respond, unsure of what diet he’s talking about. Do some dogs arrive while on the Atkins Diet, or more appropriately perhaps, the South Beach Diet? Later, we realize our ignorance.

Henry is escorted genteelly to our room on leash by a porter, and then given his own water bowl and soft fluffy dog bed. My man and I glance from Henry’s bed to ours, and fleetingly wonder which one is most comfortable.

Doris Day, Cypress Inn

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViSkIcXM3og

Soon after, we stroll down to the leather-chaired bar, full of Doris Day movie posters and memorabilia. One of her 1950s movies streams continuously on the walled flat-screened T.V., and I’m tempted to watch it as I sip my microbrewed beer, but honestly, the scene right next to me is much more enticing.

As we munch on honey-roasted peanuts and sip our drinks (Henry lying comfortable by our table, of course), locals and guests amble in with their companions, greeting each other’s pets by name (“Bruno, have you gained a little weight ole chap?” and “Daisy darling, were you groomed yesterday? You smell divine.”)

(Readers – side note: I am not exaggerating!)

I spy a mother-daughter couple coast in with their two Weimaraners, as sleek and lovely as their owners.  I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping they don’t take the empty table next to ours. I’m not an unfriendly sort, but by the look of their Weimaraner, Cypress Inn, dog hotelexpensive face lifts and haute couture clothes, I don’t think we’ll have much in common.

Au contraire. The pair from L.A. can’t be more friendly as they discuss their rescued dogs (2 years and 5 years old), their special diet (raw only – ohhh, thus the need for refrigeration), and their routine of baking a fresh pumpkin, weekly, to help their dogs’ joints.

Over the top? Yes, in my opinion, but honestly, these people just love their animals and want them healthy and happy.

The neatest part is that in the smallish bar, with two goldens, two weimaraners , a standard poodle, and the largest brown lab I’ve ever seen, as well as their humans, everyone gets along famously. No growls, no barks, just a sniff here and there, and then a few contented sighs as the dogs sit by their best friend’s side.

All in all, the weekend is marvelous fun, and Henry is extremely grateful that we’ve brought him along (plus he loves the special treats waiting for him each time we pass the reception desk).

When we leave, my guy notes that, really, this is an Inn for Dogs, in which their humans are allowed to stay also.

Henry stares at us as if asking, “and what’s wrong with that?”

dog house, Golden retreiver, Cypress Inn

A State Flowery Practical Joke

black-eyed susan, practical joke, state flower, MarylandWhat’s your state flower, my blog friend Karen asked her Word Shark followers this week.

That question brought to mind one of my best practical jokes (and in my humble opinion, I’ve succeeded in many).

I played this prank on my brother, back when we were both still paying off college loans, each of us newly married and living in different states. Over the past year, we had just begun to renew our slightly overlooked brother/sister status, which had faded when we went our separate ways during college, grad school, and beyond.

I don’t remember what got into me that late summer evening.  I hadn’t heard from my brother in a while, and must have wanted his attention.

I placed some pebbles in my mouth and called his phone (this was before cell phones and caller ID).1980 phone, old phone, practical joke, brother and sister

“I’m trying to reach Mr. Wight,” I announced in a high-pitched indistinguishable voice. “Mr. Wight, from Baltimore, Maryland.”

“Yes,” my brother answered hesitantly.

“I’m calling from station 1540 WNBR, and your name and number have reached us via the radio lottery.” (I made this all up as I spoke, but fortunately my brother fell for it – hook, line, and sinker.)

“If you can answer our question-of-the night, you will win one hundred dollars. Do you understand? You are on the air now, my fellow, and the right answer to our question will net you ONE HUNDRED dollars!”

Silence.

“Are you ready for the contest, Mr. Wight?” I held my breath, afraid that he was on to me, but no, his voice raised an octave as he answered,

“Yes, I’m ready! What’s the question?”

Oh. Shoot. I hadn’t figured I’d make it to this part of the joke. Quick, what should I ask?

“What, dear sir, is Maryland’s State Flower?”

Gasps on the other line.

“Shit,” my bro then said indelicately.

“You may not use that word on the air,” I adlibbed, the pebbles beginning to get stuck between the roof of my mouth and my tongue.

“Oh, DAMN, wait, wait. State flower, state flower,” bro said eloquently.

“You only have 10 more seconds, Mr. Wight. 9  8  7  …”

“The Easter Lily!” my brother spat out.

Easter lily, state flower, practical joke

WHAT? The Easter Lily? That was the best he could come up with? Actually, I had no idea what the Maryland state flower was.

“You are absolutely correct!” I announced in as excited a voice as I could muster without losing pebbles. “You have won ONE HUNDRED dollars. Congratulations!”

“Damn! Good gosh darn damn,” my happy brother exclaimed. He probably said more, but I was close to swallowing a rock, so I quickly hung up.

Now what?

Monopoly money, practical joke, state flowerI ran to my old Monopoly set, the one I used to play with for hours a decade earlier, and I found a one hundred bill in play money, which I placed in an envelope, no return address, and stamped. The next morning, I mailed the joke.

Except, at 10 that night, my brother called me, miffed, moaning, and mad.

“After having no luck finding station 1540 WNBR,” he grumbled, “I called my college buddy, the one who’s lived in Maryland his entire life.”

“Oh?” I said, innocently.

“Maryland’s state flower is the Black…Eyed…Susan!!!”

Needless to say, my brother did not find my joke practical nor funny.

However, neither of us have ever forgotten the name of the Maryland state flower.

I call that a “practical” joke.

Now, do you know the name of your state flower?

Hollywood Comes Callling

Hollywood, movies, fantasy, romantic suspenseI knew it would happen, sooner or later.

When my critique group finished the third draft of my (then) unpublished romantic suspense novel, The Right Wrong Man, each of them independently concluded their final review with a list of the actors who should play my characters in a movie.

“Guys,” I responded modestly. “I need to get this published first. Then let’s dream about Jennifer Lawrence for Meredith, and Channing Tatum for Parker.”

Channing Tatum, fantasy, Hollywood, writing, creative

Gregory?

“No!” They all chimed in. “Channing should be Gregory!” I ignored them, dotted my “i’s” and wrote two more drafts before I hit “Ping.”

Amazon sold 10,000 copies by week 6.

On week 8, I received an e-mail from Julia Robert’s agent.

On week 9, Bradley Cooper phoned me directly.

The bidding war began.

On the first anniversary of my publication date, the movie was optioned, sold, and at my insistence, I had a role as 3rd screenwriter on set, which became larger as each day of shooting progressed.

Jennifer Lawrence, imagination, fantasy, Hollywood, writing, novel

Meredith?
(credit to:HRC/ WENN.com)

The chosen actress to play Meredith (and I can’t divulge that secret here), knocked on my trailer at 8:10 every morning. “Ms. Wight, the other writer says Meredith belches. Meredith would never belch. Please, please rewrite the rewritten script and fix it!”

I fixed.

Then the actor I hungered over, um, I mean, that Meredith hungered over, joined me for a glass of wine at the end of the day’s shooting. “We have a problem,” he stated in his famous deep growl. “The director is demanding I punch Carlos in the face and break his nose. You and I know that is NOT Parker’s style. Please, fix it!”

I fixed.

I taunted the producer, tweaked the direction, tamed the actors, and a year later, the movie THE RIGHT WRONG MAN was a hit.

And guess who was nominated for Best Screenwriter?

What?

Oh, yes, this is a fantasy. But you do know the definition of “fantasy,” don’t you?

That’s right:  “The creative imagination.” Or, “unrestrained fancy.”  

A writer should never be restrained, nor lack creativity OR imagination.

Because, my dear readers,  as Einstein explained;

“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.”

Now, speaking of coming attractions, who would YOU choose to play Parker and Gregory?

Just so, you know, I’m prepared when that phone call comes in.

fantasy, author, writing, romance novel, Hollywood

“Fantasy is hardly an escape from reality. It’s a way of understanding it.” ― Lloyd Alexander

Just Say You’re Sorry!

http://www.orkutscraps.co.uk/graphics/orkut-sorry-scraps/index3.phpDuring my travels back East, my brother and I treat my mom to a dinner out – just the three of us – a rare occurrence. But on the way to the restaurant, my brother’s car is rear-ended – hard – as he yields to a car in oncoming traffic.

I scream (embarrassing, yes, a girly scream, but I’m sitting in the back seat and my head bobbles like a linebacker hit on both sides).

My brother does the manly thing – he curses, loudly and emphatically.

I can’t quote him, because this is a G-rated blog, or at least PG. But his expletives are descriptive enough that I worry for the other driver, who begins to unfold his tall, lean body out of his car.

I can’t tell how much damage there is, but I’m most worried that my brother’s much-loved auto is scratched/bent/harmed, and our special dinner with our mom is ruined.

I hold my breath. Usually my younger sibling (by 18 months) behaves with well-tempered patience, but when he gets pushed too far…well, things can get ugly.

My mom and I stare straight ahead, still seated in the car, while my brother and the other man inspect both vehicles.

Voices raise. With eyes closed, Mom squeaks out – “Are they arguing? What’s going on?”

I listen closely, still not turning around to actually view the scene.

“No. They’re talking in a civilized tone,” I whisper, puzzled.

“But what’s the noise?” she asks, fearfully

“Um, they’re chuckling…?”

Gently opening his car door, my brother sits back down in the driver’s seat with a small smile on his face.

“What did the guy say?” I wonder out loud.

As if in partial shock, my bro states: “As soon as I climbed out of the car, the guy says, ‘I’m sorry – it’s all my fault.’ ”

The three of us sit still, stunned.

No one acknowledges fault these days. In this litigious world, we are all grilled to NEVER SAY YOU’RE SORRY or admit fault. Never.

My brother’s car is moving us along now to dinner. Bro’s face is clear and happy, and I don’t think just because his car’s bumper saved him from a crashed and ugly fenderbender.

I think he’s smiling because the guy who hit him immediately took credit for the crash, shook hands, and said, “whatever the cost, I’ll take care of it.”

Life is full of fender benders. How we respond to them, – that’s what really counts in the long run.

After dinner, Mom with her two "kids."

After dinner, Mom with her two “kids.”

An Unexpected Friend

friendship, friends, man's best friend, smileI make a new friend on a recent trip to the right coast.

His name is Oliver, and he’s my brother’s dog.

This golden lab mix, 5 years old, is about as loving a being as you’ll ever find anywhere on this earth.

As I arrive at my brother’s Maryland home, Oliver waits for me at the front door like I’m a long-delayed special guest. The tip of his tail wags first, as if he wonders if I’m as nice as he’s been told. When I greet him happily, bending down so we can meet eye to eye, his wag travels down the rest of his tail, and then onto his body, which can hardly contain his excitement.

Yes, we bond immediately.

Oliver brings me his special stuffed muskrat. friendship, dogs, dog toy

He tours me around the acreage of his family estate, proudly showing off the peach and apple tees, the vegetable garden, and the strawberry patch.

When I rub him down, he talks to me with a prolonged squeal, similar to the sound of a young boy swallowing helium.

An endearing trait.

When I sink into the hot tub with my brother and sister-in-law on a cool but gorgeous Sunday morning, Oliver splays himself on the pool curb besides me, licking my cheek every so often, just checking up on me.

dogs, hydrantIn other words, we become fast friends.

I take Oliver for a 45-minute walk, and he shows me every colorful hydrant in town, and introduces me to the neighborhood cat, who enjoys playing “chase me up a tree.”

But then it’s time to say goodbye.

With suitcase at my side, I stand by the front door. Oliver approaches quietly, sitting in front of me, ramrod straight, gazing into my eyes and then suddenly, lifts his left lip so high it almost reaches his nose.

I stare back, open-mouthed.

“That’s his smile,” my brother explains.friendship, man's best friend, woman's best friend

Wow!

I curl my lip in response and hug my new-found friend with fierce appreciation.

We find friends sometimes in the most unexpected places…

Covered in the most unexpected body types….

Offering unexpected joy and love.

As I return to the left coast, I find myself seated in the plane, curling my lip often as I think of my new unexpected friend.

friendship, dog friendship, smile

The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions – the little, soon forgotten charities of a kiss or a smile, a kind look or heartfelt compliment.
(Samuel Taylor Coleridge)