Off I go again on another flight , on another airplane, again dreading the entire experience.
I try, I really do try, to convince myself each time how fortunate I am to be able to travel from one coast to the other several times a year. I berate myself – (you’re so spoiled, unappreciative, ungrateful) – as I regretfully hand over my boarding pass after waiting until the last possible moment to board.
Then I hold my breath and walk the gangplank, um, entryway into the plane.
I fake smile as I pretend that I’m entering my own family room to read a good book.
Once belted, and with one cursory nod of pleasant acknowledgment to my seatmate, I pick up whatever escape I’ve chosen for the day, ie, whatever book I’ve brought, and I push my nose into it while pretending that I’m sitting in my easy chair at home.
But then the plane begins to taxi on the runway, and my next routine begins. I open the pack of gum that’s sitting on my lap, and I finger the smooth square surface of the Chicklet package. Wait….Wait… Wait… until the wheels begin to feel air. Then I simultaneously pop the gum into my mouth and begin to (silently) sing the first verse of Up Up and Away.
Yes, it’s embarrassing, but over the years I’ve discovered that if I sing this tune as we lift off, the plane will not crash.
So I’ve never not sung the ditty to find out if it’s just a quirk of mine.
Ah, the plane is up, so I push in my tiny ear buds while punching the button for the classical music. Strains of Beethoven and Bach soothe me into my book of escapism, and soon, I’m almost in my easy chair.
Uh oh. The poor attendants are lugging the heavy noisy cart down the tiny aisle. I squeeze my legs together so I’m not legitated (as opposed to capitated) and order something I drink nowhere else but on an airplane.
“Tomato juice, please, with a squeeze of lime.”
The last time I flew, the attendant apologized that they had no lime. She must have seen the panic in my eyes, because she ran back to the galley and brought me a little squeeze packet that said, “concentrated lime.”
Please, please tell me that you also have a routine that helps you get Up Up and Awaayyyyyyy.