I look at you and wonder
Who you see
I watch the worry in your eyes and
Pray you see the one that you desire.
Your mind is somewhere I can’t be
Your body’s here but you don’t care
I smooth your brow and make you smile
But truly, I’m not sure who you are.
Once my mom, once a wife
Once a sister, daughter, friend
Now between the here and there
Caught between what was and now is not.
I want to help but you push away
Angry at me and them and the reality
Of your lack of power and lack of fun
When once you played with such abandon.
Six great grandchildren share your genes
Four grandchildren visit with shuddering care
Two children smooth your brow if we dare
But you stop us with an anxious frown.
Life ends not so much with a bang
And no whimpering allowed in or around
Your circle as it weaves in and out
between the bewildering here and the almost there.
Beautiful.
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Thank you, David.
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Pam I feel such heartache … you take care.
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The heart aches, but poetry sooths somehow. THANK YOU.
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Oh Pam, this is beautiful. Praying for you. ❤
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Thank you, Jill. I feel like my blogging friends are ‘family,’ so it’s a safe place to reveal the sad, as well as all the joy, in life.
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Just beautiful, Pam.
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Thanks for always being ‘there’ for me Connie.
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I remember that helpless melancholy, and my heart is heavy for you and all those who deal with it now with a loved one.
“Your mind is somewhere I can’t be” … nor can we follow on this sad and solitary journey.
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I can feel your understanding, Joanne. No, we can’t follow, but we can only hope that the loves is still known, deep inside. ❤
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Between here and there is NOW. I always found it much easier to deal with a similar situation when I stayed present in the now.
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Thanks for your suggestion, Arlene. I think you’re right. xo
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So touching and beautiful Pam 💕
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Thank you, Val. ❤
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It is so hard to lose someone you love while they are still alive. Wishing you strength as you walk this final mile with your mother.
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Thank you, Bernadette. It’s a long, difficult mile. xo
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Hi Pam, Thank you for sharing. Marcia and I were close friends and often roomed together at PEO conventions. I often think of her joy and vibrance – she loved to have fun and made life so for those around her.
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Lil – so special to have you read my poem. YES, my mom’s spirit of fun and laughter was nonparallel. As you can imagine, her loss of memory and mobility is excruciatingly difficult for her and all of us. Many thanks for being here and remembering her. xoxo
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Heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. Keep the memories alive. Bless you Pam.
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Memories keep the past alive and the present more sweet than sour. Big hugs, Sharon.
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Sad. End of life challenges make me long for a Fast Forward or a Rewind button.
Peace.
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Well said, Nancy. I guess there’s a reason we can’t Fast Forward; just can’t fathom it right now.
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What a powerful (and sad, too) poem. Best, Pam. ❤
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The power of loss and love is amazing, isn’t it Carol? Thanks so much for being here.
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Wish you patience and strength in this difficult time. ❤ ❤ ❤
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I need lots of both, Tess. Thanks for sending some over. xo
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“The almost there.” So eloquent. It’s difficult to watch the last of anyone’s journey. May you find comfort in all the little moments that remain preserved in your heart. ❤
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The end of our ‘journey’ of life is different for each of us. But I sure know that my mom’s final path is the most difficult of all. The memories of moments are denied her now, but her family relies on them. ❤
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❤
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Sending huge hugs your way. Heartbreaking.
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I feel your heartfelt hug and understanding, Sue. THANK YOU.
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Beautiful and cathartic poem. I tried to stay in the present. When my mother was at the end of her life, I felt like I was helping birth her into her real life. I found it helpful to be aware of/open to the moments of grace that were around us. Sending you love and hugs.
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You are a woman of great spirit and strength, Patricia. I wish my mom’s journey to (re)birth was not so difficult, but I search for the moments of grace for her, and for her family. THANK you for being here and for your insightful comment. xo
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What a beautiful post. I hope I can be as calm and thoughtful when it comes time for me to say goodbye. Thinking of you and your family with love.
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I have no doubt that you will be full of love and grace when the time arrives, Darlene. So many don’t want to talk or write about this part of life – the end. But it’s all part of a fascinating, difficult, challenging, incredible “life”long journey. ❤
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Beautifully written, Pam.
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Thanks my friend. xo
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Profound thoughts that capture the human experience of love, hope, joy, loss & grieving.
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That was my hope with this poem. Thank you for confirming and understanding it. xoxo
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Beautiful and sad, Pam. I think her soul knows you’re there even if she doesn’t. Love is never wasted.
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You always catch my breath with your phrasing. Love is never wasted – those are the words of amazing grace and truth. ❤
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Lovely words and photos the catch the mystery and grief.
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Thank you, Paula. Yes, I wanted my photos to match my words. I took them this week as I wrote the poem. “Mystery” – it’s a perfect explanation of this process.
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I hear the bewilderment and pain. Like you, I am traveling this path too but with an aunt, not a mother. It’s an awkward time . . . neither here nor there yet. Hugs!
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Your aunt is so lucky to have you to help her on that path. xo
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Dearest Pam,
In December, my 94 year old mother fell and broke her left shoulder, elbow, baby finger and hip.
She had surgery and astounded everyone with how she came through. For a month, she was steaming along in her recovery. And then, she had a set back. Pulled a muscle, pain enveloped her and once again, she has slipped back into depression.
She is giving up.
My sister and I see it every day. She is not eating. Can no longer raise herself out of bed.
And we are helpless.
Last night, I spoke with my eldest daughter who lives a thousand miles away and suggested she come and visit. I don’t know if it will be this week, a month, six months, a year, I told her. I just know, mom is giving up and, no matter how strong her heart remains, her will is seeping away.
Thank you for your poem. I too am walking this path and am grateful for your words.
Much love to you and your family.
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We are walking the path together now, Louise. My mom also fell in December (25) and broke her leg, needing surgery. Amazing she came through, but anesthesia worsens dementia, so she is on the down hill trek now. To patience and understanding, to love and loss, to letting go so they can go to the ‘there’ in peace.
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A powerful, bittersweet poem, Pam. It moves the heart.
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Thanks for moving along with me and my poem’s sentiment, Cynthia. ❤
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So beautifully written, and so heartrending! Sending warm virtual hugs to you and your mom.
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Many, many thanks for reading my poem and sending your hugs. xoxo
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Oh, Pam! So beautifully said, and so poignant, “between the bewildering here and the almost there.”
I wish you strength, and your mother peace, and I hope the journey is not too painful.
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I hope your hope is heard, Merril. Thank you for your lovely words. xo
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You’re quite welcome, Pam.
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Pam, what a moving, loving poem as you walk with your mom through this difficult time. Your pictures were perfect – the vibrant sea full of life, the sunset as the day winds down and lastly the heavens above. I wish you patience, strength and peaceful moments and send my love to all of you.
Anna Marie
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Anna Marie – you totally ‘got’ what I was trying to represent with my photos interspersed with my poem. Thanks for being here. You’ve met my mom when she was at her most vibrant feistiness. You’ve gone through the path we’re taking now. I appreciate your loving support. xo
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Much love to you as you go through this difficult time.
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Thanks for reading my poem and for your comment, Lorrie. xo
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Pamela, this is beautiful and so heartwrenching, it made me cry. God bless you all oxox
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I cried when I wrote this poem because it came from such emotional pain and loss. But I cried most reading everyone’s response to my words. So many have experienced the same trials with parents and loved ones or are empathetic and compassionate for those who go through dementia. The virtual hugs and sincere comment make the journey easier in some ways. xoxo
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Continued hugs and prayers oxox
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Oh Pam, my heart goes out to you. It must be so difficult to see your mom slip away. My mom’s mind never gave up but her body didn’t want to go on anymore. Your poem is beautiful. Take good care and hugs.
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Thank you for your words, Gerlinde. I remember following you along your journeys to visit your mom and feeling your deep love for her all along the way. In sharing these experiences of love and loss, we help each other, I believe. ❤
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We sure do Pam, take good care of yourself!
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I’m so glad you find respite in your writing, Pam. I could feel your sting of eyes and catch of breath in this.
I agree with Diana and others: Love is never wasted. Just like a mother caring for her newborn baby—who knows nothing, is able to give nothing, is only able to take because she must at that stage—I trust you’ll find that well of love without expectation that will get you both through.
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The well of love is never dry, Erick. The long goodbye is difficult, but the love is there and as you and Diana say, NEVER WASTED. Thanks so much for stopping by here.
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Reblogged this on Journal Edge and commented:
Article Source: roughwighting.net
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Thank you for sharing my poem and photos, Vikas.
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My Pleasure 🙂
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So beautiful and I am sorry that your mother must endure the pain of memory loss and of the body failing. I can identify partially since my sis is in a care home. She is cognizant but often angry and now is somewhat better on a small dose of Ativan plus Zoloft. It is pure hell to have a loved one in a care home- at least that is my perspective. I don’t wish it on anyone. I worry all the time about my sis and go see her every day.I’ve missed about 14 days in 6 months time- not feeling up to visiting her. I then feel guilty. Your mom has, what I consider a large family. My sis only has me and my two children. All the cousins are deceased and their off spring have never known any of us. . That’s just how things are some times.
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I hope my poem helpedsin some way – at least to realize that others are experiencing the same pain and confusion and loss. We who love those with dementia struggle, but for sure, the love we extend to our mothers/siblings/spouses/friends who suffer from memory loss DOES make a difference.
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Your beautiful writing is always a bonus.
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I am so sorry! Your poem describes so eloquently what many families go through, and often, never saw coming. Peace to you…
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Losing one’s memory must be like getting hit by a train, over and over again. Yet. When loved ones are there to hug, to tell stories of fun times from the past, to ensure that despite the loss of memory, love is still there — hopefully that makes the confusion more bearable. Thank you for your comments, Ann. xo
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Honest and truly painful. I cannot really know, but your words give me a glimpse of how it would feel to lose a loved one while they are still in front of me. I hope those of you that love your mom are able to console each other in your shared sadness and loss.
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The wonderful thing is that stories of my mom’s exploits over the years ARE shared by family members. Despite the great sadness at seeing our mom/grandmother fade into confusion, until recently, we could still make her smile by relating those stories and sharing photo albums. Thanks much for your reflection here, Debra.
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Such a moving poem, Pam. This describes so well what my poor Mom suffered during her last couple of years. It was ao painful for all of us who loved her dearly, to witness. *hugs*
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It helps a lot, knowing others went through this. I hope my poem didn’t bring back painful feelings of powerlessness in helping your mom through the difficult journey of dementia. But so many go through this with their family members or friends; I hope a recognition of its struggle helps heal some wounds.
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This is so poignant and beautiful. Thank you.
As mom says ” getting old sucks!” 🙂
Peta
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I know, but then again, as the expression goes, the alternative is not so great either (ie, not getting old). My mom was still playing tennis in her early 80s and working at The Gap until she was 85! At some point, in some way, the body/brain says, ‘enough.’ Don’t we wish the ending wasn’t quite so difficult….
xo
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Oh Pam, my heart breaks for you. What an achingly beautiful poem. Blessings of Grace, Strength and Love to you and yours. Tender hugs, Harula xxx
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The poet compliments my poem – deeply bowing. xoxoxo
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This sounds like a long ongoing loss. Wishing you peace and comfort. Your beautiful poem is real; it’ll help many grieve.
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I so appreciate your comment, JoAnn. Yes, poetry that makes real the hurt of a long goodbye.
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Gorgeous, Pam! Wishing you and your family much love. I know how therapeutic writing can be, so I hope the poem helped a little. xo
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You know it, Britt. Expressing myself in poetry as I watch my mom fade is immensely helpful, but so too the comments from everyone here. ❤
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Achingly beautiful. So very difficult. xoxo
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Sending out a huge hug to you, Susan, for your wise words to me over the years. xo
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Pam, I read this when you first posted and it stayed with me, hauntingly sad, hauntingly true. I thought I’d left a comment then but saw not, my thoughts turned reflective. This is beautifully written, capturing the loss of your mother as she becomes lost herself. My heart goes out to you, Pam and to your Mom…this takes courage to post but its clarity, weaving of your life will help others suffering, cause us to pause, reflect on ourselves, what is now, how perceptions change. You can not do more than be there with her, love her, hold her…hugs to you my friend. ♥️
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Annika – your words gave my heart and spirit a lift. THANK YOU. Yes, my poem has done its job by not only helping me reflect the difficulty of my mom’s journey, but by helping others during their own reflections, also. Sharing this (extremely difficult-to-write) poem was scary, but the reaction of those like yourself helps me realize that the sharing is part of the gift of poetry and stories. ❤
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This is a fragile, beautiful and poignant with loss. Sometimes we are there physically but our heart is in another realm.
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Yes, that’s it, Jacqueline. ❤
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Hugs to you. I’ve been there.
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Hugs help. 💙
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The past three weeks I battled with a sense of loss. There wasn’t a way to express this too well in my own mind, until Now! You captured how I felt first seeing her frail forlorn self having pneumonia. Then, later while she was going through her rebuilding her strength, OT/PT. As my brother (artist Randy) went through my Mom’s hoards and piles of Kleenex empty boxes and full containers of baggies and cough drops. . . He had the “easy” job of tossing stuff into garbage bags while I had loads of photographs, in those envelopes with their negatives. I chose a few photo albums and asked my younger brother (Rich, teacher and professor) who doesn’t pack nor discard well, “What do you want of these?” He looked away and said quietly, “Whatever you don’t take.”
We placed Mom in a safe, pleasant and caring memory care unit on Saturday. As I was driving towards my grandchildren’s home, I felt the weight lift up. She’s still here. As Alice said in her book, I’m- – “Still Alice.” Just her slipping away was perfectly captured in this poem. It made me cry due to its urgency and lovely, poignant tone. Thank you and God bless your Mom and all of the family will be in my thoughts and prayers, dear friend. ❤
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You just gave ME goosebumps. Yes, many of us have to follow this sad long journey with a parent. It’s a bewildering path for all involved. Like you, I was imbued with a sense of sadness. Poetry helps me express that loss, and it helps to share with those who understand. Peace and blessings to your mom and your family. You’ve placed her in a safe space where hopefully she can dream of precious memories.
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Very beautiful images as well as post!
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Thank you for reading my poem and enjoying my photos. Your blog is lovely.
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This touched my heart. I understand. xo
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I know you do – was hoping you’d find my poem. Hugs to you. xo
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I am so grateful that I did find your poem. Beautifully done!
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