Yes, Mr. Grant, I’m serious. I awoke in plenty of time to get to work by 8:30, but as I got out of bed, I heard a noise outside and peered out my window.
No, not my boyfriend’s window. I was home. I have a hummingbird feeder located right outside my bedroom window, and the hummers come every early morning and then at dusk.
Anyway, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I stared at the feeder through the screen of my window. Two little fairies, the size of hummers, were sitting on the red feeder dish and talking. Their voices were high-pitched, obviously, and spoke in a language I didn’t understand, but they were definitely having a conversation.
You’re rolling your eyes, Mr. Grant, but the reason I’m late truly has everything to do with these fairies. And no, I’m not being disrespectful, sir. Yes, I know we have a strong anti-discrimination policy in this company. I’m talking about real to goodness Fairies – the kind we grew up on, you know, FAIRY Tales. These little creatures were tiny with wings like hummers, but they wore florescent green outfits, sort of like a Catholic girl’s get-up except the skirts were short and the caps were black.
Yes, my fairies wore caps.
I don’t know if they had hair, Mr. Grant. I didn’t notice that. Are you making fun of my story? Go on, you say? Okay.
Well, then, they flitted, these two fairies, from the hummingbird feeder to my deck. I pulled on a pair of shorts and T-shirt and quietly, quietly, opened the deck door. They didn’t fly away. In fact, I think they were waiting for me.
What? I’m FIRED? Are you kidding me? You don’t know the rest of the story. That’s not fair! Make it quick? Fine. They flew into the woods behind my house. I followed them. Through some kind of vine portal, and then.
A portal, not a PORT HOLE. You think I’ve dug a hole for myself? But wait until I tell you where the fairies took me! You’re sending me where? HR for Psyche consultation? Well, you can’t fire me then, Mr. G. That would be psychic discrimination.
No, I’m not kidding. That’s what the fairies told me to say!