Why Not?

/ roughwighting

I remember how infuriating our son, the second born, could be.

I remember from ages 3 to 18 (when he went off to college, phew) our darling boy asking not “why?” but “why not?”

I remember a hundred Why Nots a day – why not go to his friend’s house at 10 p.m.; why not eat a whole box of Oreo cookies in one sitting; why not skip school when it’s sunny and he can hike in the hills next door.

I remember he insisted on full answers. I remember how “Because” didn’t work because he was a smart, high-IQ kid. His brain was constantly searching for answers that made more sense to him, and hiking on a beautiful, blue-skied day made much more sense than sitting in a stuffy school room.  

I remember that I believed he deserved logical, fully thought-out adult reasoning.

I remember that the adult reasoning still left him unsatisfied, and he’d change the question to “Can I?”

I remember a dozen “Can I’s” a day during his teenage years. I remember “can I go to Cancun?” when he was 15. I remember “can I go to the party even though Lou’s parents are out of town?” when he was 16. And 17.

I remember late this winter when my guy and I flew out to California to visit our now adult son and his family. I remember enjoying lunch with just him and his youngest, 13, at the outdoor dining area of a favored restaurant and all the “Why Not’s” flying around the meal.

lobster for lunch, ChatGPT

I remember my teenage grandson turning to his father and asking “why not?” a dozen times during the meals. “No lobster for lunch – why not?” “Why can’t I go to Tim’s later – it’s only two hours away??”

I remember the why not’s turning into can I’s midway through the meal. I remember our son’s face turning redder with each question.

I remember my sweet grandson looking at me across the lunch table, dimple exposed and a twinkle in his eye. I remember thinking, “that little devil, he’s enjoying this, just as his dad used to.”   

I remember after the 50th or so “Why Not?” our son answering, with clenched teeth over crab cakes and lemonade, “BECAUSE!”

I remember my guy and me nudging each other under the table as we tried not to laugh.

what can I tell you?, I deserve this, ChatGPT

I remember our son finally losing the last of his patience during dessert and exclaiming, “Don’t ask again!”

Then our 40-something-year-old son peered at his dad and me over shared ice cream sundaes with a wry expression that said it all: “yes, I deserve this, don’t I?”

flashes of life, memoir, family, three kids

Isn’t parenting grand?

75 thoughts on “Why Not?”

  3. You were infuriated with this son, your second-born, but we are entertained. Absolutely entertained.

    Now I have to wonder, “Is this son a lawyer? a detective? This curious reader wants to know. 😀

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    • Thanks Brad. I don’t think he reads my blog posts because otherwise he might disagree with my own assessment of his questioning manner. 😌☺️🤣 But seriously it is fun to see him realize that he is getting what he gave when he was a kid.

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  16. I often joke with my wife and say, “Please let me live long enough to watch our grandson roll his eyes at his dad.” Parenting our own children gives us appreciation for what our parents went through with us.

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  17. My children didn’t have children so I never got the revenge I would have liked but I do remember answering a lot of those questions with “because I love you and want to keep you safe.” My son was easier than my daughter. She didn’t ask permission…nor forgiveness. Very often I turned the question back on them. Asking them to explain why not. They eventually found the hole in their logic or were looking to me to bail them out of something they were already uncomfortable with doing. I’m fortunate they both appreciated my way of parenting compared to most of their friends. Strict but deeply loved with boundaries. I was so very lucky. Smart kids are the hardest to raise but you already know that. 🙂 Revenge is sweet though, isn’t it. 🙂

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  18. Happy Mother’s Day, Pam! 💙 This was such a delightful story–I could imagine you and your guy silently laughing (maybe not completely silently😉). My kids weren’t like that–though there was definitely some emotional drama at times, but as adults they both at different times have said things like “I don’t know how you did it. . .” It will be interesting to see what our granddaughter will be like as she gets older.

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    • Thank you, Nancy. Happy Day to you. I’m singing in my head “Happy Tales, to you” instead of the old song (remember it?) “Happy Trails to you,” (Dale Evans and Roy Rogers – wow, that takes me back to my own childhood). ❤

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  22. In chain letter fashion, I have humbly accepted a Sunshine Award and have decided to amend it to make it less onerous. I have nominated yours as one of my favourite blogs to visit and hope you can spare the time to fill out an amended version of this award’s process. I will be publishing the post shortly.

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      • Whenever you want, make up some questions for yourself, sharing what you’d like us to know about yourself, and then name some more victims. As you can see, there is a lot of hesitation about continuing this “chain-letter-like” endeavour, so I won’t blame you if you want to opt out. Or maybe you want to adapt it to something you’re more comfortable with. I will probably opt out in future, but I felt obligated by Thomas’ kindness to make at least some effort. Generally though, it’s not my cup of tea. On the other hand, it’s a way of introducing more bloggers to each other, so there’s that.

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  23. hahaha I love it and I know well those, why, why not, because I said so moments and I love that it comes back to claw them in the but so to speak. I’m afraid I’m in trouble with at least one of the grands or better yet my kids are. When Sienna was learning to talk and figure out what things were she’d say that? this, what’s that and we had to walk here everywhere as she pointed at every little thing.
    But then again, I can just send them home. Whew 😅

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  24. Maybe I was lucky we had three girls and no boys. Or maybe I just forgot. One episode I do remember: Daughter #1 said she and her boyfriend were going to go hiking in the forest the night after graduation. I said it would be dangerous to go hiking after dark in a mountainous area. She said they’d be alright. And besides, next year she’d be in college on the other side of the country, and I wouldn’t even know what she was doing. That shut me up. (She returned home safely.)

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    • Oh yes, when they get to “that age” right before they go off to college, not only do they know everything, but they want total independence. My granddaughter graduates from high school in two weeks, and she is much more independent than I was at that age, as well as her mom. But I suppose this will help her figure things out when she takes off for college in August – many states away. Glad your daughter didn’t run across any bears on their forest adventure!

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    • In the thick of parenting, we can only “punt” and hope we’re doing okay. Watching our now adult kids do the same is rather satisfying. They get a lot of things right, and some things wrong, but that’s what parenting is all about. Doing our best …. with a lot of love (and fingers crossed). 🙂

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Always a pleasure to read your thoughts.