Pet Peeves

pet peevesMany of my friends have pet peeves.

I don’t.

A pet peeve is a gripe we like to handle and stroke, encourage and feed, like a pet.

Some enjoy finding irritation just around the corner. And granted, irritations are always around the corner, like bad traffic.

(Speaking of which, are driving rules different now? Are new drivers taught NOT to signal when they turn left or right? Because the majority of drivers seem to think they’re the only ones on the road; they just turn whenever and wherever they damn well please, no warning necessary).

But these drivers don’t get to me. Oh no, no peeving platitudes from me.

I hear many complaints from those vexed with the self-appointed “important” person in front of them – at the bank or the grocery store, for instance – who ignores the clerk ringing up her goods or cash so she can answer her extremely crucial phone call, the one in which she responds with chortles and chatter, while the hapless clerk and the people in line behind her wait patiently for the immensely essential exchange to end, so that everyone can get along with their business.

Such inane indifference to the inappropriate disruption of everyone else’s needs doesn’t bother me in the least.

Oh no, I refuse to pet the peeve, just breathing in and out, whistling a happy tune, and wishing only the best for the batty bitch.

I understand the exasperation of those who try to communicate with their friends and family who never answer their phones. Many extremely busy people only respond to texts (when convenient) and laugh at the idea of listening to voice mail messages.

I just shrug in acceptance.

“How do you stay so calm when you can’t reach someone by phone, when they won’t even listen to your messages?” my dear friends ask. “My kids won’t listen to the voice mail even if I text them that I’ve left them a critical message!”

I smile serenely and explain, “I sing.”

“WHAT?”

“When I leave a message for someone on their voice mail, after trying e-mail, text, and even a sweet snail-mail card, I call their voice mail and sing “I’ve Just Seen A Face,” from the Beatles Rubber Soul album, – from the first verse to the last.”

Beatels, music, singing, I've Just Seen a Face

Illustration by Josh Kemble.
Click image to hear song.

The stunned horrified expression on my buddies’ faces always makes me grin.

“And then what?” they whisper in shock.

“I get a call back.”

A jealous gasp.

I don’t mention that the return call may be a week later. Or that the recipient of my Beatles tune never ever acknowledges my singing message.

But that’s okay. I don’t believe in petting the peeve.

pet peeve, pet's peeve

Are YOU Successful?

successFunny, how conflicted a person can feel about success.

And there’s the rub. What IS success, and what is not?

That is what I’m thinking at 5 a.m. as I take in a deep breath, smell the essence of my tropical green tea, look outside my window and glory in the darkness, the blinking lights of the town and the city beyond the bay.

success, morning moon, moon, dawn

This, this is my success.

Waking up at 5.

yoga, stretch, morningStretching and pulling and moving my muscles, yoga style, in bed before encouraging the whole lot of them – the cold feet, the sleepy leg muscles, the torso, the heavy head, to rise up from bed and start a new day.

This is success, starting a new day, every day, with freshness and vigor.

But sometimes I, and a lot of us (let’s be frank, it’s human nature to lie in bed in the middle of the night and …) ask the age-old question —  “why?”.

Why strain and strive for another day, for another “success,” whether it be writing or banking, running a business or running a marathon, selling sailboats or collecting stamps, lawyering or antiquing (and I’m just listing a few of the passions I know of friends and family).

Don’t we all stop once in a while and ask, “what the hell does it matter?”

That’s when we should stop and, well, just STOP, and ask ourselves, “what does matter?”

early morning, shadows and light

I sip my tea and watch the harsh blackness of the night begin to slowly, slowly become a softer dark, a black that silhouettes the hills, the dark floating islands, the deep mystery of the bay in front of me. A black that mystifies and entices. These dark shadows soon will be illuminated by the sun’s rays. Objects that are dark now, will soon glow pink and peach and glory in the day.

dawn, chapel, Old St. Hilary's, morning

Like me.

That’s what matters. I just want to glory in each day, stretch my body and my mind to wakefulness of the light, and the dark. Wakefulness of the laughter that surrounds me, and the sadness. Wakefulness to the aroma of steaming tea, and the soft strain of the classical music in my background.

morning, light, blue

Rosy dawn turns to a blue morning.

That’s what makes my day. I throw out the fear and insecurity of being a “success,” since it means nothing.

Instead, I promise to just stay in the moment, and ignore the rest.

success, morning, rainbow

Success!

Here’s to your success!

Witchy Woman

witch, witchy woman, HalloweenI’ve tried to keep my talents hidden for so long that at times I forget what activities are acceptable, and what are not. For instance, the other day I’m sweeping out the porch, and I hear a scream that sounds like a cat has just been attacked.

Being a lover of felines, I immediately run to the source of the inhuman sound. No cat is in sight, but a little girl stands in the pathway of the woods next to my home, mouth open, senseless screams issuing out of her throat. I guess she’s about 10 years old, blond hair falling loosely around her shoulders, pretty light pink dress all mussed up as if she’s fallen.

“What’s the problem, little one?” I ask. She peers at me as if she’s seen a ghost. I’m not a bad-looking woman, tall, with medium-length black wavy hair and a figure that looks like I work out every day. But she stares at me, wild eyed, as if I’m a wild animal about to pounce. This infuriates me, since I’m a nice creature and have never harmed anyone in my life.woods, witch, Halloween

“Can I help you with something?” I inquire. The little girl shivers as if it’s the dead of winter, but it’s a lovely October afternoon. I shrug my shoulders and turn to go back to my house, but she begins to cry, a frightening sound that my sensitive ears find offensive. I return to her, take her by the hand, and lead her through the path, around the pond, and back to my place.

Climbing red and pink roses cover the front porch, blooming azaleas and rhododendrons decorate the doorway, large lilac blossoms scent our way from the path up to the front door. The little girl opens her mouth and says the most astounding thing: “I’ve never seen so many flowers.”

woods, cottage, witch, Halloween“I have a green thumb,” I respond. Her fear seems to have fled, and she observes my property as if she’s just arrived at Disneyland. A little jump of pride leaps into my heart, an emotion I don’t often feel, and I quickly tamp it down. Pride won’t do in this day and age, not if I want to survive. Speaking of which, I worry a little about my instinct in letting the little girl come to my cottage. The last time anyone saw my abode was back in 18- -, well, I don’t want to age myself. It was before the age of automobiles, anyway.

“Would you like to come inside?” I ask lightly. She shakes her head no, which relieves me, and again I query, “What’s the problem?”

“I’m lost,” she explains with a quick hiccup and a look of total desperation. I sense another emotion I haven’t felt in a while, sweet empathy. This sensation I didn’t hinder. The poor girl is obviously petrified, missing her family and afraid she’ll die in the woods by nightfall.

“Your mommy is very worried about you,” I say. I can see the mother, a petite woman in blue jeans and a light blue cotton blouse, calling up all of Robin’s friends and asking if they’d seen her. “Would you like to go home, Robin?”

She starts to shiver again and asks in a tiny, high voice, “How’d you know my name?”

Whoops, there’s that problem again, not remembering what I can do and not do and what is acceptable in this fast-paced, no nonsense, world. “Well, maybe you don’t remember, but you told me,” I say quickly. And she had. She just didn’t say it out loud, but I don’t have time to explain.

“Robin, the way home is so easy. Go back on the path we just left, and follow all the yellow arrows on the trees. You’ll be home in no time.”Fall, woods, October, Halloween

The girl doesn’t budge, so I take her by the hand again and we begin to walk, but so slowly I’m afraid my stew, steaming on the pot, will boil over by the time I return. So I raise my hand over the child and a small fog of spicy aromas fall over her head, making her sleepy. We race effortlessly halfway over the wooded path, neither of our feet touching the ground, until we’re within shouting distance of the entrance to her neighborhood at the border of the woods. With a quick spell, I wake Robin, and she scrutinizes the scenery, confused.

“What a lovely walk we’ve just had,” I comment cheerily. “Now run along, Robin. Say hello to your mother.” I push her gently, and within seconds she’s running joyfully to familiar surroundings.

With a gentle tug on my sleeve, I’m back at my front door, smelling the vegetable stew before even opening the door. I inspect my surroundings. How I love living here, and have for centuries, but obviously my little whimsy of releasing the invisible spell around my home has been a mistake.

With a nod and a twist of my head, I disappear as I enter my home, ready to enjoy my lunch of turnips, parsnips, hickory and ivy, with a pinch of…well, never mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d8hZtvRPno

Why I Hated Halloween

Grinning Halloween lantern vector illustration.I wasn’t the kind of parent who produced daily  science/art/math projects for my children, or thought up of special field trips once a week, or was creative in any way.

In my mind, that meant I didn’t stack up any “good parenting” awards. I hated working on anything “arts & crafty,” which included just about everything except reading a children’s book out loud.

So when school began each year, and the air became crisper, leaner, more aromatic, I began to gnaw my fingernails.

Halloween would arrive sooner than I wanted, and any time was too soon.

Because I hated Halloween.

I just wasn’t good at it.

“What can I be this year? young daughter would ask by mid-October.

And every year, I’d respond the same: “A gypsy?”

Halloween, costume, gypsy costumeI have photos of her when she was 4, and 5, and 6 (and beyond!) wearing one of my old patterned skirts and a worn down shirt, strands of costume necklaces, a bunch of bangles, a neck scarf around her head, and lots of red rouge and lipstick.

Viola! A gypsy girl.

My little boy, however, came home with tales of his friends’ moms making them elaborate ghost costumes, or turning them into Luke Skywalker, or even worse, fashioning cardboard boxes into honest-to-goodness real looking silver rockets.

“No,” I always stated. Sadly, yet defiantly. “Your mom doesn’t do that.”papter bag, Halloween

So most Halloweens, my boy insisted on wearing a paper bag over his head, with holes for the eyes, and a pair of my old cowboy boots.

“I’m a monster,” he’d insist, year after year.

But the year our family splurged for a vacation to Hawaii, I got clever.

Not artsy crafty, but clever.

I came home with children-sized Hawaiian shirts, grass Hula skirts, and plastic leis. When I showed the kids their Halloween costume the third week of October, the expressions were less than enthusiastic, but they appeased me and wore them on the 31st.

Halloween costume

Happy Halloween…?

That was the year my boy’s best friend’s mom sewed her little guy a huge green Tyrannosaurus outfit, the kind that could win a ‘BEST KID’S COSTUME IN THE WORLD’ award. Trexbig

My daughter’s best friend’s mom dressed her little pumpkin in a glittery pink and purple fairy queen outfit with gossamer fairy wings and sparkly silver shoes that lit up when she walked.

My children came home from trick or treating early that year, claiming they were tired, no joyous shouts as they counted their candy treasure.

I suggested they change best friends.

Then I castigated myself for not being a good creative parent.

However …

            Every October

                         I read to my kids

                                    a LOT of terrific Halloween books.

That should count, shouldn’t it?

Halloween books, Halloween