NO, not that one, I try to scream.
But of course, I can’t scream. I can screech, I can scratch like the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard. I can grit my metal teeth, and I can stutter mid-way between too many pages.
But I can’t scream.
I understand her frustration. I’ve chewed up draft after draft of that dang story she’s writing.
Early on in her story attempt, I want to tell her that she should change from 3rd person to 1st.
Would she listen to me if I had a voice? Who knows? On Draft 5, though, she figures it out herself.
Then I want to suggest that she get rid of half the adverbs she uses.
- Thoroughly
- Messily
- Encouragingly
DELETE, I’d shout, if I could shout.
But miraculously, those adverbs and ten more are gone in Draft 8.
By Draft 10, I begin to pay attention.
This story is good. Fast-paced, intense, yet full of light, if you know what I mean.
But her moans are deep and loud. In a high pitch she declares that she is going to “quit writing,” that her “muse has left her,” that she’ll leave her passion and go back to “just” being a 9 to 5 er.
So I do the best thing I can.
I turn myself off.
She unplugs me and replugs me. “Reboot,” she mutters over and over.
But I am undeterred. She cannot destroy what might become her magnum opus.
Ohhh, I’m feeling sleepy. Sleepy. . . sleepy.
Good-bye.
Love this POV!!!
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Who knew paper shredders have such strong personalities? ;-0
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Most people in India don’t use the shredder, we just tear it manually. Shredders are only seen in selected corporate offices. Also, have you ever lost, misplaced or accidentally damaged any content that was very special to you?
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Oh, yes I have lost stories and journal pieces that I treasured. That was before I learned how to place these masterpieces “in the cloud,” or at least in my computer files. Back in the olden days, my stories were kept in things called “file drawers” which somehow ate up the stories, much like a paper shredder. 🙂
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Before I started blogging online, I was more into writing on paper. I am normally very cautious about not lending any book, but I accidentally lost my poetry book. I lost around 23 poems written in it.
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I hope you were motivated to write more.
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Hi Rachel. Apologies for late reply. I wasn’t online most part of the week. Yes, even after that I did write poems. To avoid any such incidents I posted some of the good ones online so that it stays on the internet even if I lose the book.
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“I turn myself off,” perfect line for machines and people. And I’ll do just that right now.
“Always a pleasure to read your thoughts,” Pam! And those of your commenters here too.
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Really, isn’t this shredder wise? I think when someone starts “feeding me a line” I don’t like, I’ll just turn off also. 🙂
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That’s the ultimate cross-shredder you’ve got there, Pam!
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Perhaps the moral of the story is that we should hold on to our “bon mots” forever…? 🙂
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… and in my case re-use them over and over!
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😆
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I think the opposite.
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Thank goodness the computer has some sense!
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Well, obviously this story is a fantasy.
Or is it? ;-0
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Hehehe.
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I can relate, Pam! I’m in dire need of a reboot. 😉
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Ohhhh, Jill. Aren’t we all? 🙂 ❤
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So creative, Pam. Though I do worry that you may be spending too much time alone when your paper shredder starts offering you writing advice. Haha!
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Yes, it IS a bit worrisome, isn’t it? 🙂
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Just a little….😜
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love this )
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The paper shredder just woke up enough to say: “Thank You.” 🙂
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I am wondering what you are writing Pamela?
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I’m working on my next children’s picture book, “Molly Finds Her Purr,” and on my next romantic suspense “As Lovely as a Lie.” Keeping me busy. I’m glad the paper shredder has gone to sleep! 🙂
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I loved this, Pam! Thank you for the laugh.
I rarely print things out, so the deletes are on my computer. (I don’t want to know its thoughts.) And I leave the shredding to my husband because I always break the shredder by trying to shove too many things in at once. 🙂
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We actually finally gave the shredder away, Merril. She was gaining too much power over us, as wise as she might have been. 🙂 ❤
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🙂
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Lol! Keep the faith!
Becky Schwenk Sent from my iPhone
>
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I’m keeping the faith, Becky, and never ever again chewing up one itty bitty story. 🙂
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Haha! This is great – I hope that shredder gets its voice! And keep a back-up because I bet your shredder is right 😉
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My stories are all “on the cloud” now, just in case the shredder IS right. And she, by the way, has been retired. 🙂
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Some great dialogue here. If shredders could talk! I don’t shred my work. I tend to keep it forever. Most is on the computer now anyway. Recently, I dug up an old piece, reworked it and submitted it to a competition. I’m glad I saved it.
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Downsizing should only mean for furniture, old pots and pans, and rarely-used dinnerware. NEVER for our stories. The paper shredder knows of what she speaks (or doesn’t speak). xo
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My shredder broke awhile ago. I did not replace it. It was eating too many of my words.
a delightful piece that isn’t torn to pieces! Thanks for the morning light.
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Yes, the moral of the story: DON’T MESS WITH OUR WORDS! 🤨
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Maybe the toaster will come to the shredder’s rescue. Excellent piece, Pamela
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My toaster has a lot of opinions also, like how dark the toast should be. We disagree. ;-0
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I can identify with you.
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🙂
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LOL! It hasn’t been too long that our shredder gave up the ghost. It started making a funny sound but still worked. Then it finally quit. We shred everything! So we had to buy a new one in quick order. I hope your latest draft is perfect also! 😉
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I appreciate the shredder’s literary criticism, and as requested by her, she is retired. :-0 🙂
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Now we could all do with a critic like that one 🙂
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So true. For this reason alone, I should keep her (but unplugged). 🙂
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Adverbs! The bane of all writers! Out, out damn adverb! Glad your shredder is a sensible one. Ours has been known to turn itself off during tax time. Or maybe it’s because I am kicking it.
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Oh, you just gave me an out-loud laugh. Kicking does tend to hurt their feelings, you know….
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I couldn’t live without my shredder. It’s invaluable for bank records, official stuff I consider confidential. But I don’t shred my work. As with many of you, I let it sit on my computer, deleting occasionally, giving the old trash can a thorough cleaning. I enjoyed this piece—loved the personification!
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Yes, the shredder was too close for comfort. She has been retired. Permanently. ;-
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And, the ‘Warrior’ Lady keeps on keeping on! Cute… ♥
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You could NEVER be anonymous Billy Ray! 😍
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So, now, I’m anonymous! ♥
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“Don’t shred the best story I’ve eaten in a decade.” Ha ha ha. This story cracked me up. Your paper-shredder is your secret muse, Pam. Pay attention and listen to its advice! I don’t have a shredder, but I have a woodstove. I can’t tell you how many drafts have warmed our house. 🙂
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No fair! Your muse is a shapeshifter, and mine is a … shredder?! But alas, must be so. We have a gas fireplace that doesn’t burn, and doesn’t talk back to me. 🧡
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The shredder sounds like a wise assistant to me. I am chuckling at the silent conversation and the shredder jiggling away on the floor trying to get some attention. I shall look forward to the non shredded work!
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Thanks Sue. It has been suggested that the shredder is my writing muse. Now, that’s creative! 😉
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Ha ha, too funny! Thanks, Pam. 🙂
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My paper shredder appreciates your smiles. 😀
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I love the wisdom of your shredder…and your brilliant creativity!
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The shredder made me write this! 😛
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I love this! Can you tell me where you got your shredder? I could use one just like it.
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Actually, a friend gave me this shredder- and this friend is known for her magic… 🥰
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Clever story Pamela. I enjoyed your reboot, muse mania, and ray of hope for the best story yet. Shred away!
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I realize now that shredding can be dangerous to your (writing) health. 😏
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🙂
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You have an amusing muse, Pam!
Thanks for the morning smile.
We have two shredders at the moment . . . when one gets “ornery” we use the other! 😆
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Why, that’s quite wicked of you- you blackmail your shredder to work… or else. I like it! ☺️
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😉
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Really fun POV, Pam — enjoyed this shredder’s story and had a fun laugh. Thank you.
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Who ever knew a shredder had so much “power”? 🤭 Thanks for enjoying, Jet.
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Great inspiration for my morning writing. Gave me a smile that should last quite the while.
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You have a lovely smile; the paper shredder says keep your papers safe and away from any sharp teeth. ❤
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You made me grin, Pam.
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A paper shredder can be pretty funny, for sure. 🙂
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A good way to destress Pam! I am sure it works and even inspires us to look at the horizon of light.
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I de-stress when the shredder suddenly chokes. Then I know – hey! this story may be a keeper! 🙂
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If only I had a shredder like that…
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Be careful what you wish for…! 🙂
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If a shredder can come up with a story like this—surely he/she has a book in his/her future!
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My shredder is already demanding royalties…. ! :-0
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I need to turn myself off from a lot of things. Thanks for the reminder.
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As long as you never turn yourself off from baking, Gerlinde, or blogging. ❤
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LOL! Oh yes, if the paper shredders could talk! Great post, Pam!
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If paper shredders could talk, we’d probably muzzle them. 🙂 xo
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LOL! Oh yes!!! Wouldn’t we!? *still laughing*
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🙂
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Loved this clever perspective Pam.. Now if you have a PC that can write, 🙂 I am open to offers.. ❤
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My PC continues to act dumb. I’m thinking otherwise, but so far it’s been pretty convincing. 🙂
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💕
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❤
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Nothing slow about that machine. It knows when enough is enough. Great story.
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May our words never stop, and may they never be enough. And may our shredder continue to know good stories when it eats them…. ❤
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I, too, want a shredder with an English Lit degree.
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Did I mention my shredder also has a Masters degree….?
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The lowly shredder…all it gets are the rejects. It is probably jealous of the creative computer. What a fun and creative post!
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What a perfect perspective from you. I hadn’t thought much about my shredder’s feelings of inadequacy, only being given the “reject” pages. Right on! I shall no longer reject ANY of my works. 🙂
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Oh Pam—another great piece!!! I could feel that old guy movin’ and shakin’ as he cut up those pages! Then BOOM he stopped—never to shred again—gettin’
you to believe in your writing, but more importantly in yourself!!!❤️
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I’m not sure the shredder has convinced me of the beauty of my words, but friends like you certainly have. xo
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De beaux articles et parfois amusants articles même si toutes les subtilités ne tombent pas sous le sens car je ne maîtrise pas assez bien l’anglais. J’apprends ici. Bon week-end à vous !
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Merci!
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Ahhh the power of inanimate objects! It is a loyal shredder indeed that develops opinions and a “voice” for the better outcome of its master. A bit like a horse that decides to turn left because it senses danger, even as you pull him to go right.
Incidentally, your putting a toe hold into a very real space we are entering with regard to artificial intelligence and “the internet of things”. With increasing AI in our daily lives, your shredder will find great company in the oven that decides on its own what the proper cooking is, disregarding its masters instructions, or a self driving car that will take a different route because it nows better……
Ben
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Well, your reminder of “things to come” with our machines telling us what to do has driven me to unplug the shredding monster (but I DID save my magnum opus first). 🙂
I think of you and Peta in a more “real” setting with peacocks and monkeys. Much more soul-satisfying. I’d write more, but my computer has told me I’ve reached my word count. :-0 Haha.
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Very clever! Loved it!
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Thanks for enjoying my shredding story, Carla. ❤
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This was great, Pam, and definitely a different take on draft writing (and destroying.) I wonder if Mr. Shredder has been talking to the computer about not emptying the Trash. You think?
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Oh, absolutely. Shredder and Trash are best friends. 🙂
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Loved this perspective, Pam! Clever and cute, and I would keep that story. Paper shredders never lie. 😉
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My paper shredder is intimidating enough that I have chosen to listen to her.
And actually, I’ve added 40 more pages to the magnum opus. 🙂
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In some ways a shredder is a good thing, as Martha used to say, but- it does have its draw backs, especially one that has learned how to talk. I bet at some point in time you have shredded paper that you wished that you had never put in the mouth of that blubbering and blabbering shredder.
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Yes, I find that the shredder is too final. Better to keep stacks and stacks of paper in the file drawer. Haha. xo
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“If paper shredders could talk.” I love it. The universe speaks in mysterious ways…
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All we need to do is listen — and we’d be amazed at who/what is talking to us.
And what they have to say…. 🙂
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How I need this shredder… right now!!
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Send me your address and I’ll mail her to you. 🙂 🙂 ❤
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That is so darn cute. I have adopted the ‘delete’ key approach to life. I may add the ‘paper shredder’.
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Nooooooooooo (my shredder shouts). The delete button is too dangerous and too easy to hit. Hold on to your bon mots – you may find you love them an hour/day/week later. :-0
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I listen to an adorable podcast called “Everything Is Alive”. As for my shredder, it’s a wussy thing that will only chew one page at a time. It is in a permanent Bad Mood. “I was born for higher things. You only use me to create scratch litter for your stupid cat. If I ever get hold of your magnum opus, just watch me go!”
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Oh dear. Your shredder thinks she has too much power over you. I think she needs a re-booting, for sure. 🙂
But I love the idea of “everything is alive.” We’re all energy in one form or another! ❤
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I don’t need a shredder to lose poems. I do it so often that I barely notice or care. (I know, a mere poem is not a manuscript. ) my sister lost a whole exhibition of her paintings when an earthquake destroyed the gallery. She said I don’t care. That’s good. Now I can paint new ones!
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Wow. I could use your sister’s attitude. ;-0
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So could I: she is perfect.
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Awwww, she’s obviously quite special. ❤
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It seems even shredders need a reboot these days. Lol 🙂
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Or just a boot and that’s the end of it. 🙂
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Even better! 😉
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Your story brought a smile to my lips. The paper-shredder’s viewpoint is much more fun than that of the writer herself–all whiny and self-conscious and slow to notice too many adverbs.
Do you use a paper shredder? I just fold the page in half and throw it in the recycle … unless it’s clean on the other side. Then I turn it over and print a page of another draft on it.
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I avoid our paper shredder. She’s too opiniated! :-0
I recycle bad drafts; we save a big box of discarded papers and financial documents and take it to the local church when they offer “shredding days.”
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This is such a fun read, Pam. I shred my drafts too. It is a habit from my work.
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My shredder now says, “Bad Habit.” 🙂
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I only use my paper shredder for docs with my personal info. I’ve never thought to put my stories through it! That’s like…a violent murder! 🙂
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